IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below show the average monthly temperatures in three major cities

The line graph below show the average monthly temperatures in three major cities
The line graph shows the
temperature
Use synonyms
 of three major cities in
Celsius
Use synonyms
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 the whole year.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 of
Dubai
Use synonyms
 is significantly higher during the middle of the year than
Use synonyms
Paris
Change preposition
in Paris
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
. One
factors
Change to a singular noun
factor
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 is because they are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different continents. Interestingly, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 in
Sydney
Use synonyms
 is lower than the others during July . In
Paris
Use synonyms
, the
temperature
Use synonyms
 during the beginning of the year is very low
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Sydney
Use synonyms
 which is extremely high with
Dubai
Use synonyms
 in the middle of both , accounting for 5, 25 and 20 in order. The
temperature
Use synonyms
 of
Paris
Use synonyms
 continues to rise
while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 continues to drop. It at July when both start to change with
Sydney
Use synonyms
’s
temperature
Use synonyms
 starting to rise and
Paris
Use synonyms
’
temperature
Use synonyms
 starting to drop. Unlike
Dubai
Use synonyms
, which keeps getting hotter and hotter and does not ever go down to 15
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
 but is only at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
least
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
19
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
. When the other cities get hotter
Dubai
Use synonyms
 is the hottest at 36
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
Paris
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 are only at the most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
20 and 24
degrees
Use synonyms
Celsius
Use synonyms
 respectively. Despite the
temperature
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
Sydney
Change preposition
in Sydney
show examples
 when the others are hot, it gets colder
due to
Linking Words
 being on different poles
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the globe.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, celsius, dubai, paris, sydney, degrees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: