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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, more and more people decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects of this on society and families?

#people #children #life #effects #society #families
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These days, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who postpone having
children
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 is increasing day- by day. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the arguments for
this
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 issue and offer my point of view related to the impact of
this
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 phenomenon on the community and households. A majority of
people
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 today delay becoming parents for several reasons. The primary reason might be the economic factor that can be a strong inhibitor to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
children
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. In today’s critical economic conditions, couples have to work hard to cover all the living costs.
This
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 causes young
people
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 to be uninterested and demotivated in having a child. Another reason could be that, nowadays, individuals have become more selfish and cannot dedicate their lives or delay their plans to look after a baby. Many
people
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 think that
children
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 are an obstacle to achieving their ambitions and consider them as a limiting factor in happiness and freedom.
As a result
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, two grounds of economics and personality are the main reasons for
this
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 issue. In my opinion, childbearing at an older age affects both society and families with detrimental effects.
To begin
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 with, the number of young workforce would
be dropped
Wrong verb form
drop
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 unexpectedly and companies could not enjoy creative and fresh staff. The aged employees gradually lose their efficiency and
as a result
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, companies’ productivity will decrease. The second destructive agent would be that parents who decide to have a baby at an older age
,
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apply
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 may be faced with some biological problems
such
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 as genetic mutation or miscarriage.
This
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 could cause some irreparable harm to families, whether mentally or physically.
Thus
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, the increasing trend of not giving birth to a child at a young age will cause a lack of active labour and genetic disorders. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, many couples prefer having
children
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 later. I
also
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 argued about the effects of
this
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 phenomenon on families and society.
Submitted by sajad_danesh66 on

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task achievement
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement. Include a sentence that clearly states your position on the topic.
coherence cohesion
Expand the conclusion by summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. Provide concrete evidence to back up your claims.
coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence between paragraphs by using transitional phrases or words.
grammatical range accuracy
Proofread the essay to correct any grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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