some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or negative development?

As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology is developing these days,
Correct article usage
the interests
show examples
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
show examples
of
children
sepending
Correct your spelling
spending
depending
on technology stuff
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
growing significantly.Some
children
devote a considerable amount of time on their
smartphones
now.In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I will argue why
this
happens and give reasons why the benefits of that overweight the drawbacks in spite of some potential risks. Excessive
use
of
smartphones
among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
can bring about some serious drawbacks for them.They may face health problems by spending too much on
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
.Visual problems can be one of these downsides which can
weakened
Change the verb form
weaken
show examples
the sight ability and make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
use
eyeglasses in future.Spending too much on cellphones might prevent them
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
exercises which can be found essential for their body health by
strenghting
Correct your spelling
strengthening
strengthing
their muscles and bones.So they should avoid
spend
Change the verb form
spending
show examples
too much on them in order to prevent health troubles.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
thisDespite
show examples
,the
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
of using
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
are
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
more.
This
can make them more
intellegant
Correct your spelling
intelligent
and smarter by encouraging them to struggle with different options on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphones
and try to make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
use
of them.
besides
,it helps them to be updated with the recent news throughout the world.
Therefore
,the more they
use
mobilephone
Correct your spelling
mobile phones
,the smarter
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
may become. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
encouraging
children
to
use
smartphones
can be a positive point.
This
essay argues
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
why
this
happened and how it can be useful for them.
Submitted by amir.abbas_jahani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: