IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Write about the following topic: Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge. You should write at least 250 words.

#topic #people #access #computers #basis #children #computer #games #impacts #effects
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Many people have
access
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 to
computers
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 on a wide basis and a large number of
children
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 playing computer
games
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 is becoming more widespread to many people these days.
This
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 essay will examine the consequences and various solutions that could be taken to improve the situation. Unexpectedly, there are some consequences to be concerned. The first and most important is that easy
access
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 to
computers
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 and
children
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’s tendency to play
games
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 continuously will cause great consequences, loss of control in
children
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’s learning and education. Explanations a hyperactive child cannot control himself, causing excited and dangerous actions. The reason here is that playing too many
games
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 leads to excessive delusions. Another effect no less important is that will affect
children
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’s health and spirit
due to
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 continuous exposure to
games
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. There is a risk of causing problems
such
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 as depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, obesity, and memory loss. Despite these circumstances, there are several solutions that governments could take to solve the problems.
Firstly
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, an effective solution would be that the government needs to have measures to strictly regulate the gaming age at all ages. Like needing authentication to play
games
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 or being able to play if the system has information about parents allowing their
children
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 to play to improve the situation of accessing
computers
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 too easily. The second measure would be for the companionship of parents and families in controlling internet addiction and game addiction in
children
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.
Such
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 as restricting
children
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 from using
computers
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 to play
games
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, and closely monitoring unhealthy
access
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 from their
children
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. Giving advice about gaming is not good. In conclusion, the problem of
access
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 to
computers
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 on a wide basis and a large number of
children
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 playing computer
games
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 is unlikely to be entirely eliminated in the short term.
However
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, various solutions can be taken to tackle the issue to reduce the effects.
Submitted by yeshomeclass on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay briefly addresses the topic with a general introduction and conclusion, but the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement or an outline of the discussion to come, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points raised within the essay.
supported main points
Main points are presented but not well-supported with specific examples or detailed analysis. Aim to provide clear evidence or examples for each point you raise to strengthen your argument.
complete response
Task response could be improved by fully answering all parts of the question, ensuring that both positive and negative impacts of computer games are discussed, along with measures to minimize negative effects, and by providing a more balanced and comprehensive discussion.
logical structure
Ideas are loosely organized and transitions are not always seamless, affecting the overall cohesion. Work on better structuring your paragraphs and using appropriate linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay lacks clear and comprehensive elaboration on the ideas presented. Provide more in-depth explanations and detailed reasoning to make your points clear and comprehensive.
relevant specific examples
Relevant examples are scarce and lack depth. Use specific and detailed examples to substantiate your points and to clearly illustrate your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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