IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to all artists including painters, musicians and poets. Others think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both points of views and give your opinion

#people #government #assistance #artists #painters #musicians #poets #waste #money #points
The given line graph illustrates how many shops were closed or opened between 2011 and 2018 in a country.
Overall
, it can be seen clearly that the figure for both closed and opened shops fluctuated with an
overall
 downward trend.
Also
, during
this
 period, the number of openings was between 8500 and 3000,
while
 that of closures was between 7000 and 5000 (the except of a year which was just under 1000). In the first year, the number of closed shops was about 6500 and after a slight fall, it reached the highest level at just over 7000 in 2013. 2 years later it decreased with a dramatic fall of 6000 in 2015 which experienced the lowest number. in 2016, it increased by 4000 and over the next 3 years, it stayed constant at roughly 5000.
However
, in 2011, openings were 8500 which took first place in
this
 statistic and after a year it decreased by 45000. In the subsequent years, it fluctuated around 4000 and reached 3000
at the end
.
Submitted by mhshid on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: