Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
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Overusing
sugar
has negative effects on health
. Several individuals consider that authorities should control the amount of sugar
people
consume whereas
others believe that everybody should have sugar
usage limitations for themselves. I will discuss both ideas in this
essay as long as I agree that it is people
's responsibility.
On the one hand, it is generally acknowledged that when sugar
is being used widely in food production, nobody will be careful about the total amount they use daily. Initially
, governments must establish some regulations for food companies to reduce the sugar
in their products. Secondly
, as sugar
can not be completely omitted from routine diets, it should be substituted by artificial sugar
which is not harmful to people
's health
. Additionally
, companies which follow these steps must be rewarded with free advertisements in order to encourage the public to purchase healthier products. I have seen a case in point in which a company was being praised for its sugar
-free sweets by free adverts on the TV over the year.
On the other hand
, probably it is impossible to control every individual's sugar
usage by governments. There is ample evidence that people
will not follow compulsory rules over their private lives. Thus
, it is more beneficial to educate them in this
regard and let them be careful about their own health
. Furthermore
, teaching related
skills should be started in schools. Children will act as instructors for their families and will transfer whatever they have learned about the pros and cons of Add a hyphen
teaching-related
sugar
. It can be therefore
considered that it is more convenient that people
care about their own sugar
consumption.
To conclude
, although
some states think governments must take some actions to limit sugar
consumption among the public, I am of the opinion that every single person should be careful about his health
and control the amount of sugar
in his diet.Submitted by keyhan454 on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. While your essay is well-organized, paying attention to smoother transitions between paragraphs can enhance readability and flow.
Task Achievement
In discussions, balance your coverage of both views before stating your opinion. Your essay does a good job at this, equally discussing both perspectives before concluding with your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a range of complex sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency. Varying your sentence types more could enhance the complexity of your writing.
Task Achievement
Enhance your argument with more varied and specific examples. While the example of the sugar-free sweets company is good, including a broader range of examples can strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively discusses both viewpoints and provides a clear personal stance, showcasing good task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, are clear, and effectively summarize the discussion, which is excellent for coherence and cohesion.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points in your essay are supported by reasoned arguments, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.