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Band 3.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Disscuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport #disscuss
Many citizens in some countries believe that building new railway lines between towns is worth spending money on,
while
 others think that the government should spend
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 budget on improving existing ones. In my view, I believe that
growing
Correct article usage
the growing
show examples
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
population is the key factor that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should invest more
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both fast
trains
 between cities and the existing public transport. On one hand, the
needs
Fix the agreement mistake
need
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 rapid transportation is increasing. People living in other provinces want to commute to the big cities for many reasons. They are seeking
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
better job opportunities, better education, and better business connections. 
Therefore
, investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fast
trains
 will help promote
well-being
Add an article
the well-being
show examples
 of local residents in the countryside.
For example
, Fast
trains
 between cities in Japan help local citizens and foreign tourists commute easily, and
as a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 it brings more income to the country.
On the other hand
, many people depend on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation
services
 on a regular basis because it is more convenient and cheaper than owning a private car.
Maintainence
Correct your spelling
Maintaining
 and improving the
services
 are the priorities that the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should consider. If we improve the old
services
, people will use it more. In conclusion, Investing in fast
trains
 gives many opportunities to many businesses.
However
, investing in the old transportation
services
 is even
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
show examples
thus
 it can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a big
impacts
Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
show examples
. The key
success
Change preposition
to success
show examples
 in allocating
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 to build public facilities is strategic planning.
Submitted by kannu_boat on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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