Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your opinion

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Health
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deterioration becomes a public problem, so each individual and government think of workable ways to improve public
health
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. Some people hold the opinion that providing more
sports
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centers
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centres
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or
health
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clubs is the most effective method, but I believe proper
health
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education would lead to more notable outcomes. Providing more
sports
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facilities for the public will enhance their
health
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.
For instance
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, some free outdoor gyms spring up in parks in Hanoi – a densely populated capital of Vietnam, prompting more people to exercise regularly.
Hongkong
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Hong Kong
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is a similar case, where many soccer pitches, squash courts, and swimming pools have been opened free of charge to the public, so they are more interested in working out daily. They can not only burn redundant calories and build up muscle through regular exercise but
also
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open their network which betters their mental
health
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.
However
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, I would argue that increasing the provision of
sports
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amenities would have little impact on public
health
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. Despite the free access to
sports
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facilities, many still fail to boost their
health
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because of their laziness and no interest in
sports
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.
Therefore
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, I think that we need to impart knowledge about the importance of a healthy body to each individual.
For example
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, officers should be educated that the lack of physical movement is the root reason for backache, headache, obesity, or even loss of creativity and short concentration span at work, so they will be more motivated to do it regularly. It is
also
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better if
sports
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competitions are held frequently to attract them to take up
sports
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. In conclusion, the installation of more
sports
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facilities can improve public
health
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, but I think
this
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measure is not more viable than education.
Submitted by tranbaongoc231007 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph ends with a strong concluding sentence that summarizes the main point of the paragraph.
lexical resource
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and to demonstrate a higher level of proficiency.
grammatical range
Pay attention to verb tenses and sentence structures to convey ideas more accurately.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • sports facilities
  • physical activity
  • exercise
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • obesity
  • inclusivity
  • participation
  • safe environment
  • social interaction
  • community engagement
  • comprehensive approach
  • health education programs
  • environmental factors
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • quality healthcare services
  • public health initiatives
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