IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the modern world, it is undeniable that people follow different career paths throughout their working lives.
While
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 some
individuals
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 choose to work for the same
organisation
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 until retirement, others believe that changing employers is a better option. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. Those who prefer to remain with
one
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organisation
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 argue that long-term employment provides stability and security.
One
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 of the most obvious advantages is job security, which allows
employees
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 to plan their finances and personal lives with confidence. To illustrate, workers who stay with
one
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 company often receive steady income, pension benefits, and opportunities for promotion based on loyalty and experience.
For instance
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, long-serving
employees
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 may gain senior positions and enjoy strong relationships with colleagues and management.
In addition
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, staying in
one
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organisation
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 allows
individuals
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 to develop deep expertise in their field, which can lead to higher trust and responsibility over time.
On the other hand
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, those who support working for different
organisations
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also
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 have strong reasons that should not be overlooked.
One
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 major benefit is the opportunity for personal and professional growth. To clarify, changing jobs exposes
individuals
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 to new working environments, skills, and perspectives.
For example
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,
employees
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 who work in various companies can adapt more easily to change and often develop a broader skill set, making them more competitive in the job market.
Furthermore
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, moving between
organisations
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 can lead to higher salaries and better working conditions, as
employees
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 are able to seek roles that match their evolving goals rather than remaining limited to
one
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 employer. To recapitulate, it is evident that working for
one
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organisation
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 offers stability and long-term security,
while
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 working for multiple
organisations
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 promotes flexibility and career development. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that changing
organisations
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 is generally more beneficial in today’s rapidly changing job market.
This
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 approach allows
individuals
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 to gain diverse experiences and adapt more effectively to new challenges, ultimately leading to greater career success.

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task response
Your task is done well. You cover both views and give your own view. To gain a higher band, add more precise ideas and more clear facts or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main point. Use link words to show how ideas are connected. Some sentences are long; try to use short and clear sentences.
task response
In the end, restate your view in short lines. Do not repeat words too much. Use simple words to keep easy pace.
task response
Clear view and full answer to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Good flow from intro to body to end.
coherence and cohesion
Use of linking words helps reader follow ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
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