IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

Successful companies use advertisement to make more sales. What can make an advertisement very effective? Do you think this is a bad thing or a good thing for the society?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is an increasing number of
advertisements
Use synonyms
 in order to increase the companies' sales. In my view,
this
Linking Words
 trend should be perceived as a negative trend. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will propose some strategies to make valuable
advertisements
Use synonyms
 and some reasons for their bad influence.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
artists
Use synonyms
 play an important role in business. They introduce
products
Use synonyms
 and increase the sales of the product easily. It will be beneficial for companies to hire
artists
Use synonyms
 in order to advertise their
products
Use synonyms
. It will attract many
people
Use synonyms
 to buy the product.
For instance
Linking Words
, body lotions are sold within 15 minutes after the
artists
Use synonyms
 use the product on their skins.
As a result
Linking Words
, the companies gain more profit. The next strategy is to make an advertisement on online media. Many
people
Use synonyms
 now have social media both in urban areas and rural areas. They tend to spend more than 4 hours accessing social platforms. By advertising on social media, many
people
Use synonyms
 can get information about the
products
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
products
Use synonyms
 become well-known among the society.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend can have bad effects on society. The main effect is
people
Use synonyms
 are becoming wasteful. By having the
artists
Use synonyms
 in
advertisements
Use synonyms
, youngsters can be influenced to buy the
products
Use synonyms
 easily even though they do not need the
products
Use synonyms
. They believe that having the same common goods with
artists
Use synonyms
 will make them look cool among their friends.
This
Linking Words
 attitude will lead them to become impulsive buyers. The following effect is dressing unsuitable for their ages. Many
people
Use synonyms
 are influenced by the way their idols dress. The
advertisements
Use synonyms
 that show up on social platforms can make
people
Use synonyms
 dress unsuitable for their ages. They want to imitate their idols in online
advertisements
Use synonyms
. For illustration, students dress sexy because they want to look like their idols. It will be harmful to the students as it can put them in dangerous situations
such
Linking Words
 as sexual violence or being kidnapped by strangers.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 essay examines the way of making valuable
advertisements
Use synonyms
 and the potential drawbacks of their influence. Having considered the cons,
therefore
Linking Words
 I am firmly convinced that advertisement can only be seen as a negative influence on society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Remember to introduce both sides of the argument in your introduction to ensure a balanced view, even if you will lean towards one in your conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay. This includes synonyms, pronoun references, and conjunctions.
Grammar
Ensure to use varied sentence structures to demonstrate linguistic flexibility and control.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the essay prompt and provides a clear stance on the topic, which is excellent for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences makes your essay easy to follow, which is great for coherence and cohesion.
Examples
Providing specific examples to support your points is a very strong approach, enhancing both your task achievement and your essay's persuasive power.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: