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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries today, people are having their first child when they are older. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

One
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 of the widely discussed issues nowadays is the
age
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 of the
parents
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, which is significantly
changes
Wrong verb form
changing
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. It is undeniable that having a
first
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child
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Change preposition
at in
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in
Correct your spelling
an
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 older
age
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is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
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 an essential part of our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
However
Linking Words
, there is no absolute agreement as some
people
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 find that they need
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
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 amount of money for the best
life
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 of their baby,
while
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 others
considered
Wrong verb form
consider
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 everything associated with the financial condition of the family negatively. Surely, there are both pros and cons to
be
Wrong verb form
being
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parent
Add an article
a parent
the parent
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in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
an
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 older
age
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 but I believe
advantages
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the advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
One
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 of the main
postives
Correct your spelling
positives
positive
 of being a parent
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 older
age
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 is that
people
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 are more responsible for the
life
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others rather than
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger
age
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. For
the
Correct your spelling
this
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 reason
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 birth of the
first
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child
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 is
one
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 of the important, responsible and tough moments which is too hard to control for the younger person.
For instance
Linking Words
, we can compare the
life
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 of
the
Correct article usage
a
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 young individual who
does
Verb problem
is
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 not as confident in their decisions as the older person who has
the
Change the article
a
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 large number of
life
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experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
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. Another advantage is that
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
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 older
age
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 person lives in better financial condition than younger individual, which
also
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 plays
one
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 of the crucial
roles
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role
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 in the
infants
Change to a genitive case
infant's
infants'
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life
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. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
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first
Add an article
the first
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child
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is always needs
Change the verb form
always needs
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 a lot of money for their future development and good
life
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. A good example here is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
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situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
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 with the young
age
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parents
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 who are not as independent as the older
people
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. Turning to
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 side of the argument, younger
age
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parents
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 are more active and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 a lot of benefits than older
age
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people
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. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 younger
age
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 individuals are more versatile than older
parents
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.
In
Change preposition
For
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 example, successful
people
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are reach
Change the verb form
reach
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 their goals
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger
age
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, which is
also
Linking Words
 beneficial for younger
parents
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. Another major disadvantage of having a baby
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 older
age
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 is that
difference
Correct article usage
the difference
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 between
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
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 of the
parents
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 and
child
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 quite too big. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the difference between
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age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
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 is
also
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 very important for the
first
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child
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.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays children
has
Change the verb form
have
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 a big difference between the ages of their
parents
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, which
is affect
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their way of thinking. Having
wighed
Correct your spelling
weighed
 everything mentioned
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, we can come to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion that it is a lot better to have a baby
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger
age
Use synonyms
.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Shift
  • Trend
  • Societal norms
  • Education and career
  • Financial stability
  • Reproductive technologies
  • Delayed marriages
  • Parenting responsibilities
  • Life expectancy
  • Family planning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: