Many people believe that children should spend their time reading stories rather than playing computer games or watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #time #stories #computer #games #television

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Many individuals think that

children

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should spend their time reading

tradition

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traditions

show examples

instead

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of playing computer

games

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or watching

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. I completely disagree with

this

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statement because

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and playing computer

games

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speed up the learning

process

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and enhance creativity.

To begin

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with, I totally believe that offspring should spend their time playing

video

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games

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or watching television rather than reading stories.

Firstly

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, watching

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can boost the learning

process

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among

children

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This

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is because television contains pictures and sounds, which can make watching television more interesting.

For example

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, by watching fiction movies

children

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can learn how to think outside of the box , which can boost creativity among

children

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Secondly

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, often

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programs use simple vocabulary easy to understand for

children

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In contrast

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, reading stories from books is often boring and

using

Wrong verb form

uses

show examples

complex language, which makes the learning

process

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more challenging for

children

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Finally

Linking Words

, playing

video

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games

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can improve

solving problems

Correct word choice

problem-solving

show examples

skills among

children

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This

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is because some

video

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games

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encourage

children

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to solve puzzles in order to win

games

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, which can increase intelligence among

children

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Moreover

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, researchers have proven playing computer

games

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with

children

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can contribute to making offspring less vulnerable to

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

mental health issues namely, depression, anxiety, and stress.

This

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due to

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the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

playing

video

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games

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is considered exercise for the brain, which means

video

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games

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improve brain functions.

To sum up

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, I strongly think that

children

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should spend their time playing

video

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games

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or watching

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instead

Linking Words

of reading

legend

Fix the agreement mistake

legends

show examples

because playing televised

games

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and watching

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enhance the learning

process

Use synonyms

, creativity, and brain functions.

Submitted by [email protected] on Sun Sep 24 2023

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task achievement

While your essay covers multiple points, ensure each supporting point is fully developed and directly related to the main argument. For instance, elaborate on how watching TV and playing video games specifically speed up learning rather than just suggesting they do. Adding more specific examples will strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is good. However, transitioning between ideas can be smoother. Use cohesive devices to better connect paragraphs and link ideas logically. For example, rather than jumping to playing video games in your second main point, use phrases like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore'.

coherence cohesion

Some of your sentences are too lengthy and contain minor grammatical errors, consider breaking them up for readability. Also, ensure correct word usage; for example, instead of 'offspring', using 'children' consistently would improve clarity.

task achievement

The essay successfully provides a clear stance and maintains this position throughout, which is essential for Task Achievement.

coherence cohesion

You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments neatly.

coherence cohesion

You use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is beneficial for clarity and engagement.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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Many people believe that children should spend their time reading stories rather than playing computer games or watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that punishment is the best way to teach children to behave well, while others disagree and point out that rewarding and praising them is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Levels of consumer debt are increasing across the world. To address this, a new subject should be introduced in secondary schools: how to manage personal finances. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Write a letter to the shop or company which supplied the equipment In your letter: Describe the problem with the equipment Explain how this problem is affecting your work Say what you want the shop or company to do

You and your family are moving to another country for work, and you are looking to buy a house there. Write a letter to a property agent