Many people believe that children should spend their time reading stories rather than playing computer games or watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #time #stories #computer #games #television

Many individuals think that

children

should spend their time reading

tradition

Fix the agreement mistake

traditions

show examples

instead

of playing computer

games

or watching

. I completely disagree with

this

statement because

and playing computer

games

speed up the learning

process

and enhance creativity.

To begin

with, I totally believe that offspring should spend their time playing

video

games

or watching television rather than reading stories.

Firstly

, watching

can boost the learning

process

among

children

This

is because television contains pictures and sounds, which can make watching television more interesting.

For example

, by watching fiction movies

children

can learn how to think outside of the box , which can boost creativity among

children

Secondly

, often

programs use simple vocabulary easy to understand for

children

In contrast

, reading stories from books is often boring and

using

Wrong verb form

uses

show examples

complex language, which makes the learning

process

more challenging for

children

Finally

, playing

video

games

can improve

solving problems

Correct word choice

problem-solving

show examples

skills among

children

This

is because some

video

games

encourage

children

to solve puzzles in order to win

games

, which can increase intelligence among

children

Moreover

, researchers have proven playing computer

games

with

children

can contribute to making offspring less vulnerable to

get

Verb problem

apply

show examples

mental health issues namely, depression, anxiety, and stress.

This

due to

the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

playing

video

games

is considered exercise for the brain, which means

video

games

improve brain functions.

To sum up

, I strongly think that

children

should spend their time playing

video

games

or watching

instead

of reading

legend

Fix the agreement mistake

legends

show examples

because playing televised

games

and watching

enhance the learning

process

, creativity, and brain functions.

Submitted by [email protected] on Sun Sep 24 2023

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task achievement

While your essay covers multiple points, ensure each supporting point is fully developed and directly related to the main argument. For instance, elaborate on how watching TV and playing video games specifically speed up learning rather than just suggesting they do. Adding more specific examples will strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is good. However, transitioning between ideas can be smoother. Use cohesive devices to better connect paragraphs and link ideas logically. For example, rather than jumping to playing video games in your second main point, use phrases like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore'.

coherence cohesion

Some of your sentences are too lengthy and contain minor grammatical errors, consider breaking them up for readability. Also, ensure correct word usage; for example, instead of 'offspring', using 'children' consistently would improve clarity.

task achievement

The essay successfully provides a clear stance and maintains this position throughout, which is essential for Task Achievement.

coherence cohesion

You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments neatly.

coherence cohesion

You use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is beneficial for clarity and engagement.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

262 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many people believe that children should spend their time reading stories rather than playing computer games or watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

People can eat a variety of food that can be grown in other areas. As a result, people eat more food produced in other regions than local food. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadavantages?

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

More and more people in developed countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problem dose this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?