Many people believe that children should spend their time reading stories rather than playing computer games or watching television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many individuals think that
children
should spend their time reading tradition
Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
instead
of playing computer games
or watching TV
. I completely disagree with this
statement because TV
and playing computer games
speed up the learning process
and enhance creativity.
To begin
with, I totally believe that offspring should spend their time playing video
games
or watching television rather than reading stories. Firstly
, watching TV
can boost the learning process
among children
. This
is because television contains pictures and sounds, which can make watching television more interesting. For example
, by watching fiction movies children
can learn how to think outside of the box , which can boost creativity among children
. Secondly
, often TV
programs use simple vocabulary easy to understand for children
. In contrast
, reading stories from books is often boring and using
complex language, which makes the learning Wrong verb form
uses
process
more challenging for children
.
Finally
, playing video
games
can improve solving problems
skills among Correct word choice
problem-solving
children
. This
is because some video
games
encourage children
to solve puzzles in order to win games
, which can increase intelligence among children
. Moreover
, researchers have proven playing computer games
with children
can contribute to making offspring less vulnerable to get
mental health issues namely, depression, anxiety, and stress. Verb problem
apply
This
is due to
the fact that,
playing Remove the comma
apply
video
games
is considered exercise for the brain, which means video
games
improve brain functions.
To sum up
, I strongly think that children
should spend their time playing video
games
or watching TV
instead
of reading legend
because playing televised Fix the agreement mistake
legends
games
and watching TV
enhance the learning process
, creativity, and brain functions.Submitted by [email protected]
on
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task achievement
While your essay covers multiple points, ensure each supporting point is fully developed and directly related to the main argument. For instance, elaborate on how watching TV and playing video games specifically speed up learning rather than just suggesting they do. Adding more specific examples will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which is good. However, transitioning between ideas can be smoother. Use cohesive devices to better connect paragraphs and link ideas logically. For example, rather than jumping to playing video games in your second main point, use phrases like 'Additionally' or 'Furthermore'.
coherence cohesion
Some of your sentences are too lengthy and contain minor grammatical errors, consider breaking them up for readability. Also, ensure correct word usage; for example, instead of 'offspring', using 'children' consistently would improve clarity.
task achievement
The essay successfully provides a clear stance and maintains this position throughout, which is essential for Task Achievement.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments neatly.
coherence cohesion
You use a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which is beneficial for clarity and engagement.