IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Drug abuse is becoming a problem in our society. •What are the causes of this and •what are some solutions

Repeating the
use
Use synonyms
 of addictive substances is one of
biggest the
Correct word order
the biggest
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 difficulties all over the world. Lack of
job
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 opportunities and some psychological deficiencies can widen addiction.
Also
Linking Words
, an improved educational system and more
job
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situations
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opportunities
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 can avoid these social troubles.
First,
Linking Words
Family is the first support that every person has
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 unfortunately, when there are many problems ,
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
a
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poor family environment, family breakdown, and frequent parental fights, leading to an unsafe environment for the members of the family,
consequently
Linking Words
, teenagers and parents turn to drug abuse to temporarily forget their headaches.
Secondly
Linking Words
, governments don’t prepare enough
job
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situations
Check wording
opportunities
show examples
 in their countries
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 some adults decide to broadcast pharmaceuticals to earn money.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, schools and universities have huge pressure on students to achieve good grades
,
Punctuation problem
;
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as a result
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, some weak pupils
use
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 narcotics to increase their level of alertness. Governments have to control addiction in many ways,
such
Linking Words
 as providing many
job
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 opportunities for different groups of society and
also
Linking Words
 establishing financial support policies to financially support families who are facing financial problems and arranging free counselling sessions to make the institution of families more cohesive .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, educational institutions should explain the serious physical and psychological dangers of drug
use
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 to students and encourage them not to
use
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 drugs, and
also
Linking Words
 explain that if students
use
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remedy
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a drug
show examples
 even once, they can be involved in its consumption for the rest of their lives . In conclusion, Addiction arises
due to
Linking Words
 complications in family, education and government institutions. So
improving
Punctuation problem
, improving
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 policy
Punctuation problem
,
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employment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 an enhanced educational system must reduce the
use
Use synonyms
 of drugs.

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task response
Explain each cause with a clear link to how it leads to drug use and add more real life examples.
task response
Give more clear and concrete steps for solutions, and avoid general ideas.
task response
Fix odd word use and keep words simple; for example, change 'broadcast pharmaceuticals' to a clear phrase like 'drug selling' or 'drug dealing'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea; use words to show how you move from cause to fix.
coherence and cohesion
Use short sentences and simple words; use sign words to show the move from one idea to the next.
structure
Clear plan to talk about causes first and then fixes.
content
There are real ideas like bad home life and lack of jobs.
intent
The essay shows a wish to help and to show ways to fix the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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