IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.
#percentage #women #poverty #bar #rates #sex #age #states
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The supplied bar chart represents the proportion of
males
Use synonyms
 and females who
lives
Wrong verb form
lived
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 in penury condition in the USA in 2008 in 10 different
age
Use synonyms
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
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.
Overall
Linking Words
,
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
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 citizens (45-54) were not in need of money compared to both genders under
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the age
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age
Correct article usage
the age
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 of 5
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 experienced
Correct article usage
a peak
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peak
Correct article usage
a peak
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rate
Use synonyms
 of poorness. Turning to the details, both sexes under
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
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 of 5 faced the highest proportion of poorness with
the
Correct article usage
a
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rate
Use synonyms
 of 20%, which was equivalent to the double share of
males
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 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 category (10%).
Then
Linking Words
 throughout growing up (5-17) the number of poor youngsters had a gradual drop (about 16%), which was approximately equaled to 18-24 with the proportion of 15%. It is interesting to note that, the number of men in the
age
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 of 45-54 and 55-59, and 60-64, 65-74 percentage of females were in the same
rate
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 of poverty.
Due to
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 classification 65-74 and 75 and up were less indicated
males
Use synonyms
 on money necessity. Looking at the details of women, 18-24
age
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 groups were the
most
Change the adjective
apply
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highest in the level of need (over 20%), which was doubled to the 60-64 aged females. Young girls aged 5-17
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 over 15%, which had a slight difference with boys. Women aged 25-34
was
Change the verb form
were
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 in the stable
rate
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 that made up 15%,
while
Linking Words
 the next
age
Use synonyms
 category (35-44)
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
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 a rapid decrease.
In contrast
Linking Words
 to
males
Use synonyms
, other aged women classifications were in the small portion, which had
a tiny differences
Correct the article-noun agreement
tiny differences
a tiny difference
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 with
males
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by shams.aliyeva on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, age, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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