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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.
#percentage #women #poverty #bar #rates #sex #age #states
The supplied bar chart represents the proportion of
males
 and females who
lives
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in penury condition in the USA in 2008 in 10 different
age
range
Fix the agreement mistake
ranges
show examples
.
Overall
,
middle aged
Add a hyphen
middle-aged
show examples
 citizens (45-54) were not in need of money compared to both genders under
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 of 5
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 experienced
Correct article usage
a peak
show examples
peak
Correct article usage
a peak
show examples
rate
 of poorness. Turning to the details, both sexes under
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 of 5 faced the highest proportion of poorness with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
rate
 of 20%, which was equivalent to the double share of
males
 25-34
age
 category (10%).
Then
 throughout growing up (5-17) the number of poor youngsters had a gradual drop (about 16%), which was approximately equaled to 18-24 with the proportion of 15%. It is interesting to note that, the number of men in the
age
 of 45-54 and 55-59, and 60-64, 65-74 percentage of females were in the same
rate
 of poverty.
Due to
age
 classification 65-74 and 75 and up were less indicated
males
 on money necessity. Looking at the details of women, 18-24
age
 groups were the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
highest in the level of need (over 20%), which was doubled to the 60-64 aged females. Young girls aged 5-17
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 over 15%, which had a slight difference with boys. Women aged 25-34
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 in the stable
rate
 that made up 15%,
while
 the next
age
 category (35-44)
experience
Wrong verb form
experienced
show examples
 a rapid decrease.
In contrast
 to
males
, other aged women classifications were in the small portion, which had
a tiny differences
Correct the article-noun agreement
tiny differences
a tiny difference
show examples
 with
males
.
Submitted by shams.aliyeva on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words males, age, rate with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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