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Band 6

Some children spen hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case ? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#children #spen #hours #smartphones #case #development
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Few kids spend most of
the
Change the word
their
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time
Use synonyms
 on their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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.
Because of technology
Change preposition
Technology
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 has brought many
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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, social
apps
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 and many
fetures
Correct your spelling
features
 that
children
Use synonyms
 do many
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
Add an article
a smartphone
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smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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this
Linking Words
 is a negative
development
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. I will explain why it is
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
development
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Nowadays the
smartphone
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 has completely changed our life.
For example
Linking Words
, it has so many types of games and social
apps
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which does
Verb problem
that
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 not only draw
children
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's focus but
also
Linking Words
 keep
busy
Correct pronoun usage
them busy
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 on phones all day long.
For instance
Linking Words
, my brother always plays
pubG
Correct your spelling
pub
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 on
mobile
Correct pronoun usage
his mobile
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 and his study
time
Use synonyms
 has significantly reduced because of gaming on
telephone
Add an article
the telephone
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.
In addition
Linking Words
,
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smartphone
Add an article
the smartphone
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 has youtube,
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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 and Instagram,
this
Linking Words
 kind of app
encourages
Correct pronoun usage
that encourages
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to
Change preposition
apply
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children
Use synonyms
 to stay on mobile phones and keep using these
apps
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,
In addition
Linking Words
, I think
this
Linking Words
 is
negative
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a negative
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development
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 because they are using social sites in the wrong way
instead
Linking Words
 of the right
use
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.
For example
Linking Words
, on
Add a comma
,youtube
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youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
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 they can watch videos related to their study but they are watching movies and nonsense videos and
waisting
Correct your spelling
wasting
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 their important
time
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 of life which is
suppose
Change the form of the verb
supposed
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 to
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use
Wrong verb form
be used
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 to gain knowledge.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some kinds of
apps
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 are encouraging
children
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 to
use
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 smartphones by offering money. PubG games pay money to
children
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 if they play well. We need to control our child to
use
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 smartphones and limit their
time
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 for playing on phones. In conclusion, spending
time
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 on a
smartphone
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 is
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
development
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 because even if there are good and knowledgeable
apps
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, they are not using them in a good manner and
use
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 them the wrong way wasting valuable
time
Use synonyms
 of life.
Submitted by gelbu2021 on

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