Some say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are numerous debates regarding the
role
of the
sports
sports
role
among
individuals
. It is argued by several
people
that
sports
are just for filling the free
time
. Meanwhile, others opine that
sports
in the advancement of the community take an important
role
. In
this
particular essay, these views will be discussed.
To begin
with,
sports
are an activity option for some
people
in fulfilling their leisure
time
. It is believed by
individuals
that doing
sports
can give amusement and a good feeling in their free
time
.
However
, they feel that
sports
are nothing more than fulfilling free
time
. In fact, sometimes
sports
can have a negative side to
people
. To illustrate, when
individuals
are doing some
sports
during the day for a long
time
, they will procrastinate. That,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can affect their performances at work or school since their focus is only on
sports
.
On the other hand
,
sports
are argued by some
individuals
that they play a crucial
role
in the development of the community. In fact,
sports
need to involve several players because most of the
sports
in the world are teamwork games, or at least there are two
people
competing with each other in the
sports
game.
Hence
, from that situation,
people
can build a relationship with others even though they need to compete with them as a rival in the game.
This
relationship is able to develop society in terms of networking.
In addition
, it can affect their teamwork ability which will be used when they are in the professional world. In conclusion,
while
sports
play a crucial
role
in the midst of society,
sports
are nothing more than an activity in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
free
time
.
Therefore
, I believe that
sports
can build teamwork and relationship ability among
individuals
that will help society in developing their community.
However
,
people
still need to focus on their responsibility which means
people
are suggested to do
sports
in their leisure
time
only with a certain schedule.
Submitted by zakiyaartanti19 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the prompt by discussing both views on the role of sports in society. However, it lacks a clear opinion and fails to fully develop the ideas. The arguments are not well-balanced.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed. The essay lacks clear transitions between ideas, resulting in a lack of coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social fabric
  • fostering
  • community spirit
  • health and wellness
  • national pride
  • leisure activity
  • entertainment
  • unwind
  • economic impact
  • generating jobs
  • boosting tourism
  • stimulating local economies
  • negative aspects
  • risk of injuries
  • pressure on young athletes
  • doping
  • corruption
  • essential societal component
  • responsible management
  • promoting
  • significant
  • merely
  • contributing
  • progress
  • acknowledging
  • value
  • emphasizing
  • balance
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