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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below shows key data on the demographics of four different countries.

The table below shows key data on the demographics of four different countries.
The table depicts the information on the demographics of the
USA
Use synonyms
,
UK
Use synonyms
,
Russia
Use synonyms
 and
China
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable that the population of
China
Use synonyms
 was the highest,
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 was the lowest.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the average life expectancy was the biggest in the
UK
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the smallest was in the
USA
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the population of
China
Use synonyms
 accounted for 1,357,000,000 which is ten times bigger than
Russia
Use synonyms
 ( 143, 986,000). The figure for the
USA
Use synonyms
 accounted for 318,875,000 people,
whereas
Linking Words
UK
Use synonyms
 only 64, 937,000. In terms of GDP per capita,
China
Use synonyms
 had roughly 6,807 which is over 2 times smaller than
Russia
Use synonyms
 ( 14, 987).
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
USA
Use synonyms
 obtained namely 53, 681 ,
while
Linking Words
 the
UK
Use synonyms
 only (41,787). With regards to average life expectancy, the
UK
Use synonyms
 had approximately 81.5 ,
while
Linking Words
 the
USA
Use synonyms
 obtained only 69.2.
However
Linking Words
, the statistics of
China
Use synonyms
 and
Russia
Use synonyms
 were approximately similar 75,2 and 72,3.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, whereas, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words usa, uk, russia, china with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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