IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The government should reduce the budget on the arts and spend more funds on education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people are of the opinion that the government should increase their
budget
Use synonyms
 for
education
Use synonyms
 and decrease it for entertainment. I partly agree and disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. The following essay will outline the reasons why I feel that both academia and the arts are equally important and thereby should share an equal
budget
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
education
Use synonyms
 is the key to developing a nation. The reason why I partly agree with their statement is because of the lack of importance the authorities usually give to the academia of the country.
For instance
Linking Words
, public schools in Bangladesh rarely take
children
Use synonyms
 out on field trips
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or foreign visits or provide quality reading materials to their students. Despite teachers giving their best efforts to accommodate a good learning environment, they are incapable of doing
further
Linking Words
as a result
Linking Words
 of low funding. The government certainly need to invest more in
children
Use synonyms
 through their
education
Use synonyms
 as the next leaders of the nation will be shaped by
education
Use synonyms
, from the new generation.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it would be unfair to argue that
education
Use synonyms
 is everything.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 partly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because art equals creativity and creativity is
also
Linking Words
 important for
children
Use synonyms
. Employers in a job interview
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, will often select the candidate with the most versatile qualities and experiences.
In other words
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 should be taught to think outside of academia by honing other skills should they want to be truly successful in life.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I believe that different forms of entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as movies, painting, theatre, extracurriculars etc will make the youth more meaningful creative and ready for the future.
Thus
Linking Words
, creative knowledge is as important, if not more, than theoretical knowledge.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are merits and demerits to the claim that the government should lower their
budget
Use synonyms
 for arts and increase it for
education
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
.
Although
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 may result in a better academic environment for the youth; it will severely impact their creativity skills. Rather, I recommend that the
budget
Use synonyms
 be distributed in equal portions for both subjects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that ideas are logically organized.
coherence cohesion
Consider presenting counterarguments and addressing them in your essay.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Review and revise your grammar to eliminate errors and improve sentence structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: