IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

14.Research shows that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, advertising for certain food products should be banned, in the same way as cigarette advertising is banned in many countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#research #food #products #cigarette #countries
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It is argued that eating too much is as dangerous as smoking, so announcements about determined
food
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 should be prohibited.
This
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 essay completely disagrees with that statement because eating excess of any type of
food
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 is harmful to the body and publicity can allow more
people
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 to have a balanced
diet
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. Eating too much, no matter what type of
food
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 will damage
people
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’s bodies.
This
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 is because everyone has a limit of
food
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 that they can ingest, even eating healthy
food
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such
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 as vegetables and fruits can be damaging too. If someone eats more than they really can, it will cause stomachache, vomiting or fever, which after going to the hospital can be easily solved.
Moreover
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, eating too much fast
food
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,
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apply
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 will cause obesity or diabetes,
this
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 can be cured by eating medicines and having an equilibrated
diet
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.
On the other hand
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, smoking can damage a person’s lungs or cause cancer, which these are very difficult to heal. Recent research concluded that of
people
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 who suffer health problems caused by a bad
diet
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, 90% of individuals are successfully treated,
while
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 the other 10% fail because they do not follow the instructions of the doctors or are very old
people
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. Banning
food
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 announcements will not help
people
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 to eat healthier.
Furthermore
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 is because
people
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 won’t know that it is prohibited because they are bad for their health, and they will continue eating in the same way.
Instead
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 of banning, it will be better to upload images and videos about how important it is to maintain a balanced
diet
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, how to do it, and the advantages that it has, so more
people
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 will be aware of their
diet
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 to have better well-being.
For instance
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, in Europe, there are several advertisements about the quantity of
food
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 and the type of
food
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 that
people
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 need to eat so they have an equilibrated
diet
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 and well-being.
This
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 helped to reduce the cases of diabetes and obesity in Europe. In conclusion, all types of
food
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 should be eaten carefully not eaten too much, and publicity about
food
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 should not be blocked,
instead
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 using it to remind
people
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 to have a balanced
diet
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.
Submitted by elenazheng1211 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion overall. There is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay, and the ideas are logically connected. However, you could improve the introduction and conclusion to make them more impactful and to better frame your argument.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task and effectively presents relevant ideas. Your arguments are well-developed and supported with specific examples. However, there is room for improvement in the introduction and conclusion to fully address the task statement and clearly express your position.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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