The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. 

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The graph below illustrates the procedure used to make
sugar
Use synonyms
from
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
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. In general, it is clear from the diagram that there are 7 steps from growing
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
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to drying and cooling
sugar
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.
Furthermore
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, the entire process can be divided into two main parts by the places, farmland and factory. The first part happens on the farm,
initially
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,
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
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is required to grow for 12 to 18 months,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the farmer harvests them by himself or by machine.
Then
Linking Words
the
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
is taken to the factory. The first thing in the factory is crushing, which makes the canes convert into juice.
Secondly
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, the juice will be purified by a limestone filter,
this
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is the fourth part of the whole method.
Next,
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the juice will become syrup
due to
Linking Words
heating in the evaporator. After ,that the
sugar
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will separate from
syrup
Correct article usage
the syrup
show examples
, which is called
centrifuge
Add an article
a centrifuge
show examples
.
Lastly
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, all we need to do is dry and cool the
sugar
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.
This
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is the whole procedure of making
sugar
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from
sugar
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cane
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.
Submitted by steven057770 on

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • manufacturing process
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • transporting
  • factory
  • crushing
  • extracting
  • juice
  • filtering
  • impurities
  • heating
  • evaporating
  • syrup
  • boiling
  • crystallizing
  • sugar
  • separating
  • drying
  • packaging
  • distribution
  • stage
  • process
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