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Band 5.5

Many countries aim to improve their living standards by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #aim #standards #development #values
Economic development has an effect on improving the quality of life in many countries, it is argued that
this
 development may affect society in a negative way. I believe that it improves the
overall
 living standards. In
this
 ,essay I will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of
this
 argument. There are several advantages of economic expansion, first of all, wealthy societies concentrate on developing their infrastructures by providing different ways of transport.
For example
, the availability of the underground, and different routes of buses and trains would facilitate the movements of the citizens and help them save time and money.
Moreover
,
this
 would save the consumption of fuel and indirectly would improve the environment.
Furthermore
, these communities concentrate the most on education by providing the basic needs of the students like free schooling, and transportation and concentrating on smart pupil's advancement.
As a result
,
this
 could improve culture and help to build a country with sold standards.
On the other hand
, there are disadvantages to the society in developed countries, many people could rely on the government to provide their basic life needs.
However
,
this
 would result in building a dependent nonproductive society that adds more pressure to the country rather than building it.
Moreover
, teenage’ addiction is a serious problem that faces most societies these days. One of the reasons for
this
 trend is the availability of money that would increase the purchases of drugs and alcohol among young people. I believe that
this
 would be controlled by parents as well. In conclusion, I believe that improving the economy of people would have a great benefit on
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the
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societies.
While
 there are some disadvantages of
this
 development that affect the younger and add pressure to the countries by increasing benefits. I believe that fixing the infrastructure and education is more important.
Submitted by liasmart41 on

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task response
The essay demonstrates some understanding of the task with relevant examples and arguments. However, it lacks clear development of ideas and loses focus at times.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and conclusion, but they are not well developed. The logical structure is somewhat maintained, but the supporting points lack coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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