IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting a culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some part of society believes that using
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to attract
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
visitor may lead to the devastation of
culture
,
although
, some others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that, the
tourism
 industry could be the only action to look after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
civilization
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
I completely agree with the second group of people On the one hand, we have some groups of the public who believe in cultural manipulation by tourists,
such
 as the visitors
may
Correct pronoun usage
who may
show examples
devast
Correct your spelling
devastate
 the public laws because they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
lack information about the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 rules so,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 brings disorders all over the province.
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
 their belief is,
when
Correct word choice
that when
show examples
 various kinds of the public from all over the world come to the country it may affect the homey’s
culture
 use to different kinds of the public with different cultures coming and altering the country’s
culture
.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 those who argue that
culture
 will be ruined if it
used
Add a missing verb
is used
show examples
 to earn
tourism
 revenue believe that
tourism
 can lead to the commercialice of
culture
 they argue that when
culture
 is useful to attractive, it loses its.
For example
, in some countries, traditional dances and music are performed the same way as they would be for locals.
This
 can lead to a loss of cultural identity and can be seen as a form of
culture
 Another point of view, those who believe that
tourism
 is the only way of protecting a
culture
 agree that can help to preserve cultural heritage they argue that when
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 visit a country they are exposed to the local
culture
, which can help to raise awareness about the importance of preserving. In conclusion, in spite of the fact that
may
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 the disadvantages of
tourism
, it is crystal clear that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: