IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solutions

#people #situation
Currently, a significant number of
individuals
 are in poor physical condition and less active compared to the previous.
This
 is a worrying state of Affairs that can be
due to
 many factors, including urbanization. Fortunately, certain measures can be taken by the government to tackle
this
 problem. To commence, recently life circumstances have changed because of City expansion.
For instance
, many previous jobs have shifted from manual labour to office-based work, which typically requires lower energy expenditure and physical activity.
In other words
, people used to generally engage in physically demanding occupations
such
 as farming and manufacturing, but now, many primarily work in office settings involving more sedentary activities.
Furthermore
, travelling
also
 has involved many changes
in contrast
 to the Past.
For instance
, many used to rely on walking,
whereas
 nowadays, they heavily depend on vehicles.
As a result
, they have lower physical fitness levels and participate in fewer body activities.
Nevertheless
, I recommend that the government should address the issue by establishing some rules in favour of office workers,
as well as
 promoting occasional walking among
individuals
.
Firstly
, providing sports facilities for employees should be mandatory in companies and office workplaces. In
this
 case, it would offer a significant opportunity for them to maintain their physical health.
Secondly
,
individuals
 should be fostered for biking or walking short distances rather than relying on alternative forms of transportation.
For example
, in numerous developed countries, dedicated bike lanes, and pedestrian walkways have been implemented to encourage citizens in walking and cycling within a convenient and safe environment.
Consequently
, many
individuals
 may not be in as good physical condition as previous generations
due to
 the effect of urban sprawl on their lifestyle.
However
, authorities can significantly put effort into motivating citizens to do regular exercise and
also
 provide urban infrastructure for daily activities.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: