IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS BETTER TO EDUCATE BOYS AND GIRLS IN SEPARATE SCHOOLS. OTHERS, HOWEVER, BELIEVE THAT BOYS AND GIRLS BENEFIT MORE FROM ATTENDING MIX SCHOOLS. DISCUSS BOTH THESE VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION.

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit #mix
There is a controversy among parents about whether to choose single-sex
schools
 or co-educational
schools
 for their
children
.
Although
 single-sex
schools
 are less discrimination between genders, they do not represent a real-world experience as mixed
schools
. They both have their own justifications,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I quite agree with the latter one and here are the reasons. On the one hand, single-gender
schools
 offer
children
 a focused atmosphere for studying. Since there is no sex discrimination,
students
 don't waste their time attracting the opposite sex.
For example
, a girl in girls'
schools
 is able to concentrate on learning subjects and exploring her preferences rather than spending her time on dress-up or make-up to attract boys.
Furthermore
, growing up among same-sex peers ensures parents that their
children
 will be safer and have less tendency to teenage pregnancy.
However
, these
students
 might not be familiar with the opposite sex and have no idea how to interact with them appropriately.
On the other hand
, mixed
schools
 are considered to represent a real-world community. Growing up with the opposite gender helps
students
 learn how to collaborate with their peers,
in other words
, how to team up with the ones.
As a result
, young people are well prepared to enter workforce markets which are considered gender diverse.
For example
, a female employee who graduated from a mixed school knows how to interact properly with her male boss since she has opposite-sex friends.
While
 single-sex
schools
 provide
children
 with a better atmosphere for learning, they can not offer a real-world experience to
students
.
Consequently
, mixed
schools
 are a more suitable option for preparing
children
 for society. If I were a parent, I would opt for co-educational
schools
.
Submitted by kannu_boat on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses all parts of the prompt, including discussing both views and giving a clear opinion. Provide balanced arguments for both single-sex and mixed schools.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure is generally good, but some paragraphs could be more clearly linked. Consider using more cohesive devices such as transition words and phrases to improve the overall coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses a variety of expressions, but be cautious of repetitive language use. Try to incorporate more advanced vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
There are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout the essay. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structure to improve grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: