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Band 4.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn torism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#people #culture #torism #revenue #tourism
Culture is one of the most important
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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of
Change preposition
in
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 a country. So the question of how to protect it is something
people
 always think about. But many
people
 think that culture will be damaged because of
tourism
 activities. I will provide my opinion
in
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at
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 the end of
essay
Add an article
the essay
an essay
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. With
opinion
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an opinion
the opinion
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 that cultural
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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 will be eroded if they are used for making money.
For example
, many exhibits will be destroyed by human impact. Or many objects in
museum
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a museum
the museum
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 can be touched and disturbed by many
visitor
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visitors
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, which
cause
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causes
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to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 be destroyed.
Moreover
, many
company
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companies
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 about
tourism
 will attend to new building luxury, modern resorts and a lot of sparking hotel systems. After
people
 will care more and
development
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develop
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 tourist attractions.
However
, it
also
make
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makes
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 the culture less popular.
Besides
, the idea
about
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of
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tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 sector is a great tool to
govement
Correct your spelling
government
 can rely on to prevent their cultural values from abatement. A reason, national heritage need to be conserved by professionals, enterprise in
tourism
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the tourism
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 industry have enough necessary resources and ability to maintain the original condition of heritage. To be honest,
tourism
 has a vital role in the cultural values of a country
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not only local
people
 but
also
 over the world, it become more prevalent to many travellers.
And one
Correct word choice
One
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 of
many
Correct article usage
the many
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 results, the increase in
vistor
Correct your spelling
visitors
 can create sufficient for
local
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the local
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 community to support conservation and protection.
And it's
Correct word choice
It's
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also
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
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 the
handicafts
Correct your spelling
handicaps
 and
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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 cultural values.
Finally
, souvenirs for visitors will invest back in the prevention and encourage the revival of traditions or
heritages
Change the noun form
heritage
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 sites. In my opinion, I think that both sides have their own positive and negative views.
However
, I believe that
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry
provide
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can continue to promote the development of civilization.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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