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Band 7

Some people who have been successful in society don't attribute their success to the theretical knowledge they learnt from their university. Do you agree that theoritical knowledge is not as valuable as expected?

#people #society #success #learnt #university
There are various factors contributing to success so some people claim that theoretical knowledge is useless and pointless. From my perspective, I am not in favour of
this
 opinion, believing that the knowledge imparted in the college can make a difference when making ourselves successful. First of all, we have learnt a great many stories introducing elite people ,
such
 as entrepreneurs and scientists, without formal tertiary education, which, to some extent, motivates lots of young people to seek success in their working fields,
instead
 of pursuing a university certificate.
For example
, neither Bill Gates nor Steve Jobs had graduated from college, but they have made great achievements.
As a result
, theories taught in higher education tend not to be as important as practice experience.
However
, it does not mean that everyone can be successful just by practical experience. After all, higher education is a must for many careers, say, doctor and lawyer, to name but a few, because the increasing number of professions require professional expertise to grapple with complex problems, nowadays.
For instance
, a doctor needs to know specific knowledge and skills, most of which are taught in college, whereby diagnosing illnesses and treating them in a proper manner.
Otherwise
, they have to spend more time and effort gaining experience, which is by no means the most effective approach.
Therefore
, under no circumstance should we ignore the importance of theoretical expertise, which cannot only lay a solid foundation for personal development but can increase the chance of success. In conclusion,
although
 the argument seems reasonable in some regards, it is too absolute to be true.
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion and partially addresses all parts of the task, but needs to delve deeper into the topic and provide a more nuanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally logical, but transitions between ideas could be smoother, and coherence could be enhanced with better connections and topic sentence clarity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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