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Band 4.5

Some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Dicuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #culture #tourism #revenue #dicuss
In modern times, protecting
culture
 has become a broad issue for the general public. A section of individuals think that
tourism
 is one of the reasons why costumes will
are
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 misunderstood.
However
, others believe that tourist service is merely a way of developing and saving
culture
. To my mind, I absolutely agree with the latter choice. First of all, some
people
 believe that a range of tourist attractions
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 traditional costumes
was
Wrong verb form
that are
show examples
 always ruined because foreigners do not understand and know the reason for the local
culture
 so they can not do it correctly.
For example
, one tourist learns a new thing related to anything about a new place but it is incorrect,
then
 it spreads to others.
This
culture
 will be ruined
athough
Correct your spelling
although
 they
are not try
Change the verb form
do not try
show examples
 doing it.
In other words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minority of the public does not know that
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 community
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not care how to improve and protect their traditional costume, they just pay attention to
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
tourism
 revenue and
people
says
Correct subject-verb agreement
say
show examples
 that
tourism
 is a reason for all these problems.
As a result
, it can be seen that all the native
people
 just convince tourists to buy anything they sell
instead
 of protecting their costumes. In other terms
Add a comma
,
show examples
tourism
 can help our countries to show and demonstrate our
culture
 to others. If
tourism
 service develops, a lot of
people
 can know about
this
 country and its
culture
.
Besides
 that, the authority will renovate that cultural and historical or ancient building because of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 high rate of
people
 who attend it.
For instance
, if foreigners are interested in
this
 costume,
this
 country will be more famous than ever and it is a good situation to develop the country and its
tourism
 service. In my point of view, I agree that the only way to protect our traditions is
improving
Wrong verb form
to improve
show examples
 our
tourism
. An area of
guest
Fix the agreement mistake
guests
show examples
 from other
land
Fix the agreement mistake
lands
show examples
 has the responsibility to respect all cultures in foreign places so we need not
scared
Add a missing verb
be scared
show examples
of
Change preposition
that
show examples
 our
culture
 will be ruined.
To sum up
,
culture
 is a special thing that we should protect and save .
Hence
, the best way to do it correctly is to improve and develop the level of our
costume
Fix the agreement mistake
costumes
show examples
 and our
tourism
.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Commodification
  • Authenticity
  • Cultural erosion
  • Global culture
  • Heritage sites
  • Traditional festivals
  • Preservation
  • Cultural exchange
  • Sustainable practices
  • Mutual understanding
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