The chart below shows the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The chart below shows the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The two bar charts present the major reasons pupils of various
age
Use synonyms
groups study either for career or out of interest and the amount of assistance they get from employers with time off or by helping with fees.
Overall
Linking Words
, it could be seen that those under the
age
Use synonyms
of 26 studied more for their career and those over 49s learned mainly out of interest.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the 30-39 year bracket had the least support from employers. To commence with, the learners who studied for career purposes were those below 26 years which was about 80% but about 10% of these pupils in the same group learned out of desire.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, those over the
age
Use synonyms
of 49 had more students learning out of interest and almost 20% of that same year category studying for their professions. Meanwhile, students who were learning for both careers and based on their passion between the ages of 40-49 recorded the same value of about 40%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employer's support either by giving time off or helping with fees was dominant for the learners who were under 26 years followed by the 26-29 year bracket of approximately 50% and for the above 49s about 45% of the students.
Also
Linking Words
, the least assisted
age
Use synonyms
group were the aged 30-39 years.
Submitted by asisiyoo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "amount" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: