IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Gender equality has not been achieved in our society. Women still do not have the same rights and opportunities as men. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Women
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 play an important role in developing the society and nation . It is a debatable issue regarding the
rights
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 of
women
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 and men . Some netizens believe that still ladies are not getting enough opportunities like men . I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement because
females
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 proved themselves in all fields
such
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 as the health sector, sports, police , spacecraft and many more. I will discuss my point of view on these factors. First of all , regardless of gender, now in the field of sports , the government is giving preference to girls as well . Recently, in the Olympics, Manu Bhakkar won the medal in a gunshot competition.It becomes possible
due to
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 the equality
rights
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 of
females
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.
Moreover
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, because of intelligence,
women
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 secured their positions in spacecraft as well .
For Example
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 , Sunita Willam is the second lady who went to space . It becomes possible
due to
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 strong determination and family support . In my opinion, nowadays it is very few sectors where girls haven't achieved higher ranks if we have a look at politicians and in the army
then
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 Kiran Bedi and Pritiba Petel's names are on top . To illustrate it, In India , at the present time , the lady president runs the country. Now the government started giving special quotas to
females
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 in every field
according to
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 their ability. On the other side , despite acquiring equal
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
show examples
still,
women
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 are not safe in some areas mostly at night times . In conclusion, in spite of having equal
rights
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 for
women
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 same like men ,still some netizens believe that ladies are deprived of their
rights
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. But
females
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 are holding a higher position in every field.

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in the introduction by explicitly stating your stance. The introduction could be clearer in highlighting the scope of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas. Some paragraphs jump between points without smooth transitions.
task achievement
The essay includes specific and relevant examples, such as Manu Bhakkar and Sunita Williams, which enhance the argument.
coherence cohesion
Both an introduction and a conclusion are present, providing a clear structure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wage gap
  • gender parity
  • glass ceiling
  • gender discrimination
  • equal opportunities
  • patriarchal society
  • empowerment
  • stereotypes
  • work-life balance
  • inclusive policies
What to do next:
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