IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #interaction #people #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It's commonly said that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of social
media
 is
extremely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
increasing which has aroused public debates about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
related problems, like replacing it
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
face-to-face interaction, in the
last
 couple of years.
This
 essay intends to discuss the arguments surrounding
this
 universal phenomenon
additionally
 we’ll see
how
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the pros score cons of
this
 issue. Modern technology has equipped us with brand-new feathers
such
 as WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook which all are called social
media
. As a significant use of
this
 equipment, face-calls could be mentioned as a good fit. In spite of these facts mentioned above, the modern world has made a highly competitive circumstance that urges
people
 to leave their own cities in order to get job positions even if it’s over the seas.
Furthermore
, it makes families,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 are the most important building blocks of society, spread out. Considering all these facts,
people
 can’t be blamed for using social
media
 as a virtual interaction
instead
 of face-to-face speaking, because there are no more choices when their loved ones are living miles away
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Here
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 place where the most serious role of social
media
 shows up.
Besides
 all aspects discussed, social
media
 is a
time
 and cost-effective solution for running business meetings, it's hard to estimate how much it could cost
having
Change the verb form
to have
show examples
 a face-to-face meeting each
time
 in the long run. Admittedly, the influence created by the
media
 is largely positive,
although
 there is a slight negative effect
also
. During online communications, overuse of
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
, which is a fascinating tool can cause some problems like spending less
time
 with family or pursuing
open air
Add a hyphen
open-air
show examples
 hobbies. In some other cases it has been shown that because it’s the easiest way of interaction,
people
 wouldn’t get to see
people
 they love even if they live next door which as a side effect
being
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 lethargic and living a sedentary lifestyle can be mentioned.
As a consequence
, by considering all
facts
Correct article usage
the facts
show examples
 argued above associated with
this
 universal trend, I would reiterate my opinion by saying that in
this
 technological
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 there is no other choice
to
Change preposition
but to
show examples
 be in touch all the
time
 with
people
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 we care about except getting involved with social
media
.
Submitted by hosseinimirsadra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interaction
  • geographical barriers
  • global community
  • cultural diversity
  • economic opportunities
  • superficial interactions
  • mental health impact
  • loneliness
  • depression
  • interpersonal relationships
  • real world
  • spread of misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • societal polarization
  • informed citizenship
  • constant connectivity
  • maintain relationships
  • fast and efficient
What to do next:
Look at other essays: