some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

It is very unwise to underestimate the important role

culture

plays in each country all over the world and for that reason, many questions are raised about how to properly protect cultural

values

While

many

people

think

culture

should not be used to take advantage of

tourism

revenue. It is considered by some

people

that

tourism

is the best option for many individuals to approach and preserve cultural

values

. From my perspective, I think that

tourism

plays an essential role in the

culture

and I will demonstrate my point of view during

this

essay. On the one hand,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

numerous

people

Add a missing verb

are concern

show examples

concern

Replace the word

concerned

show examples

that cultural

values

will be eroded if they are used for making money because it

express

Change the verb form

expresses

show examples

that they

are

Verb problem

show examples

not respect

culture

. The reason

this

Change preposition

for this

show examples

is that exhibits seem to be ruined more easily by human impacts.

For instance

, statues displayed in a museum may be touched and physically affected by a number of visitor flocks

lead

Wrong verb form

leading

show examples

to statues can be demolished gradually.

Moreover

, there are many travel companies

these day

Change the determiner

this day

these days

show examples

which pay more attention to

build

Wrong verb form

building

show examples

luxurious and new

building

Fix the agreement mistake

buildings

show examples

, typically as the increasing number of modern resorts and comfortable hotel systems in order to attract more tourists to make a profit for themselves without

regarding

Change the form of the verb

regard

show examples

to cultural

values

Consequently

, tourists tend to turn their back

with

Change preposition

show examples

traditional

values

and it could make the

culture

less popular.

On the other hand

, the travel field is a great factor

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

the government should consider

to invest

Change the verb form

investing

show examples

because they can take advantage of it to prevent their cultural

values

from deterioration. First of all, enterprises in the travel industry have enough resources and abilities to maintain the original condition of

heritages

Fix the agreement mistake

heritage

show examples

. T í obvious that national heritages need to be conserved properly by professionals.

Secondly

tourism

plays a vital role in advertising

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

cultural

values

to not only local

people

but

also

overseas ones.

Therefore

, the

culture

would become more prevalent to many

travelers

Change the spelling

travellers

show examples

. In conclusion,

although

many

people

think that

tourism

should have an obligation about the deterioration of

culture

, I always hold an opposite view that cultural

values

could be sustained in their initial condition and value of the

tourism

sector.

Submitted by [email protected] on Wed Sep 27 2023

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

364 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that culture will be ruined if it is used to earn tourism revenue, but others consider that tourism is the only way of protecting culture. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

You travelled by plane last week and your suitcase was lost. You have still heard nothing from the airline company. Write to the airline and explain what happened. Describe your suitcase and tell them what was in it. Find out what they are going to do about it.

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