In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

#places #people’s #lifestyles #relationships #developments

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Globally, many families are living different lifestyles and in many ,cases there are some interactions between members of the family. In today's essay, I am going to shed light on how

this

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phenomenon may bring fewer disadvantages than good ones. Let me take an example by looking at the positive side. In the past our ancestors when they went long distances for some reason had to return home to communicate or see their family. Yet people are far from their house, thanks to developed technology they are able to talk with family.

In addition

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, they not only communicate, but

also

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they can pay payments to children by being in another country.

Consequently

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, let's say they can travel or work freely without worrying about expenditures, or payments to family.

On the other hand

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, living modern world is difficult and it may be able to bring some negative impacts on their family. As for some information which I know nowadays, people want to have more responsibilities themself.

For example

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, get extra work or add more houses in the working place.

Due to

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its more pressure, they cannot spend their time with a family ,especially with children and because they are busy or lack time to cook. So cooking meals is becoming a problem for them.

Therefore

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they prefer to buy fast food for children and

this

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could cause some diseases

such

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as heart illness and obesity. In conclusion, in large a part of the world people are struggling with fixed lifestyles. In my opinion, because of lots of work in the workplace and lack of attention to the family.

Submitted by Mr. Big on Thu Sep 28 2023

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task response

The essay lacks clarity in presenting and supporting ideas. The logical structure needs improvement, and the examples provided are not very relevant to the topic.

coherence cohesion

There is a need for better organization and coherence in presenting the ideas. The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points need to be connected more effectively.

lexical resource

The essay lacks variety in vocabulary and the choice of words can be improved. There are instances of inaccurate word usage and awkward phrasing.

grammatical range

The essay contains several grammatical errors, including verb tense inconsistencies and incorrect word order. There is also a lack of sentence variety and complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

267 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

geographic separation
economic advancement
technological advancements
face-to-face interactions
egalitarian structures
gender roles
traditional roles
work demands
financial stability
access to education
healthcare
cultural shifts
traditions
cultural identity
family heritage

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In many places, people’s lifestyles are changing rapidly, and this affects family relationships. Do you think advantages of such developments outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary school to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and not enough learning practical skills. Do you agree or disagree.

Some people think the best way to motivate and exchange people to work hard is to pay them based on how much they produce and sell. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant example.