Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is often believed that sweet
drinks
should be made less affordable to encourage individuals to intake less sugar
. I totally agree with this
statement as I think that consuming a lot of sugar
causes health deterioration.
To begin
with, it is true that the obesity rate has been rising recently. This
is mainly because of increased sugar
consumption. To illustrate, a notable study conducted by Korea University revealed a strong connection between the rate of sugar
intake and obesity. The more people become friendly to sweet drinks
, the more they get in danger of obesity. Moreover
, cheap sugary beverages are also
disadvantageous to the elderly who are highly sensitive to diabetes as they culminate in prevailed diabetes problem. Hence
, an effective deterrent to buying sugary drinks
is needed.
Furthermore
, sweet drinks
should be made more high-priced because it
can be a driving force behind stimulating the public to drink fresh water. To be specific, they will choose to consume water which is overly inexpensive compared to sweet beverages as they think water is cost-effective. Correct pronoun usage
they
For instance
, if a Coke costs a fortune, customers are reluctant to buy it. They may think that consuming other drinks
with no sugar
contained and low price is the better option as they are not only healthy but also
cheap. Thus
, changing the price of sweet beverages is considerable.
To conclude
, I firmly believe that drinks
with a lot of sugar
should be costly to deter people from consuming them too much. Therefore
, governments have to impose caps on beverage companies to set their sales price at a higher level.Submitted by aahhyu111 on
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coherence
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task response depth
While your overall response to the task is comprehensive, diving deeper into the implications of making sugary drinks more expensive and considering counterarguments could enrich your discussion and provide a more balanced view.
introduction and conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion neatly bookend your essay, clearly stating your stance and summarizing your main points, which is great for readability and coherence.
logical structure
You did well in maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay, ensuring your points follow logically one from the other, which is key for reader understanding.
use of examples
Using real-life examples, like the study from Korea University, adds credibility to your arguments and is a good practice in essay writing.
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