Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#drinks #people #sugar

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It is often believed that sweet

drinks

Use synonyms

should be made less affordable to encourage individuals to intake less

sugar

Use synonyms

. I totally agree with

this

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statement as I think that consuming a lot of

sugar

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causes health deterioration.

To begin

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with, it is true that the obesity rate has been rising recently.

This

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is mainly because of increased

sugar

Use synonyms

consumption. To illustrate, a notable study conducted by Korea University revealed a strong connection between the rate of

sugar

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intake and obesity. The more people become friendly to sweet

drinks

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, the more they get in danger of obesity.

Moreover

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, cheap sugary beverages are

also

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disadvantageous to the elderly who are highly sensitive to diabetes as they culminate in prevailed diabetes problem.

Hence

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, an effective deterrent to buying sugary

drinks

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is needed.

Furthermore

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, sweet

drinks

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should be made more high-priced because

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

can be a driving force behind stimulating the public to drink fresh water. To be specific, they will choose to consume water which is overly inexpensive compared to sweet beverages as they think water is cost-effective.

For instance

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, if a Coke costs a fortune, customers are reluctant to buy it. They may think that consuming other

drinks

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with no

sugar

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contained and low price is the better option as they are not only healthy but

also

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cheap.

Thus

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, changing the price of sweet beverages is considerable.

To conclude

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, I firmly believe that

drinks

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with a lot of

sugar

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should be costly to deter people from consuming them too much.

Therefore

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, governments have to impose caps on beverage companies to set their sales price at a higher level.

Submitted by aahhyu111 on Wed Apr 03 2024

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specific examples

Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main idea. While your essay does address the main topic, having more specific examples or case studies could strengthen your argument and make your examples more effective.

coherence

Consider varying your sentence structures and using a broader range of linking words to further improve the flow of your essay and make your arguments more compelling.

task response depth

While your overall response to the task is comprehensive, diving deeper into the implications of making sugary drinks more expensive and considering counterarguments could enrich your discussion and provide a more balanced view.

introduction and conclusion

Your introduction and conclusion neatly bookend your essay, clearly stating your stance and summarizing your main points, which is great for readability and coherence.

logical structure

You did well in maintaining a logical structure throughout your essay, ensuring your points follow logically one from the other, which is key for reader understanding.

use of examples

Using real-life examples, like the study from Korea University, adds credibility to your arguments and is a good practice in essay writing.

10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Sugary drinks, sugar-sweetened beverages, soft drinks
Health consequences, obesity, diabetes, dental health
Government intervention, public health, deterrent
Sin taxes, levies, fiscal policies
Equity, accessibility, low-income communities
Consumer behavior, dietary habits
Education campaigns, public awareness
Beverage industry, economic impact
Paternalism, autonomy, personal choice
Global trends, international policies

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Sugary drinks should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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