IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries traditional customs are being lost. Why do you think this is? What can parents and schools do to keep traditional customs alive?

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The vanishing of traditional and cultural
customs
Use synonyms
 is a salient issue in modern world society. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss these matters and suggest ways in which families and educational systems can mitigate these changes to preserve culture.
Firstly
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, the bombastic erosion of some ancient heritage in some specific nations has stemmed from the outdated wisdom in the modern era.
In particular
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, from the industrialization period to now, the world has changed critically making the old-time lessons useless.
As a result
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, more people have rejected these outdated judgments and follow the advantageous technology in the global scientific racing.
Secondly
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, the advent of the internet grid systems and the dominance in the multimedia industry by the most influential newspapers have supremely resulted in international cultural homogenization. Particularly, people can access the available streaming services,
such
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 as Netflix and YouTube, whose creative creators have provided interesting serial shows about their daily lives, distinctive festivals and traditional
customs
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 and caught a lot of global citizens’ attention. A report has shown that some Asia nations have removed their local Lunar New Year event and chosen Western New Year's Eve
due to
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 cultural homogenization.
Nevertheless
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, the cultural eroding could be mitigated if the following steps were applied by cooperating between schools and parents.
Initially
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, schools should teach children about local traditions and ways of living as part of the curriculum, which could ensure all the younger generation understand valuable lessons in each event and enhance their national identity.
Additionally
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, the parent should educate their children about the importance of keeping traditional lifestyles and the meaning of each event, because these festivals are the cornerstone of any humankind civilization.
For instance
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, If these cultural
customs
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 are lost, people could wonder who they are and who their ancestors and might generate adverse ramifications, which only be tackled by a national spirit.
To conclude
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, despite the disappearance of some traditional
customs
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, which I believe was caused by the development of science.
This
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 problem could be mitigated by parents and school collaboration.

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a bit of coherence in the structuring of ideas, making it a bit difficult to follow. Try to align your points logically and clearly express your arguments to enhance understanding.
task achievement
While the writer has provided examples to support their points, these examples could be more specific and relevant to the points being made.
lexical resource
Make sure to vary your sentence structure and use a variety of language to express your ideas. The essay is a bit repetitive and could use more vocabulary diversity.
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