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Band 6.5

Crime is a big problem in the world; many believe that nothing can be done to prevent it. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion

#crime #world
Crime
 has been always a big deal in the world, and a lot of people believe that it can not be prevented. But, I think it can be controlled to a certain extent through effective measures.
Thus
, in
this
 ,article I will discuss my opinion on why I disagree with
this
 statement.
First,
we have to consider some programmes that can shun an ex-convict to re-offend.
For example
, there are some re-socialization and rehabilitation classes for prisoners before they enter society. These can teach them how they have to behave in different situations, and why they should not commit another
crime
. These classes could effectively reduce
crime
 rates in some nations, especially the USA.
Therefore
, some practical ways can deter a person from breaking the law.
Moreover
, if a delinquent learns what are the consequences of a harsh activity, he may not commit a
crime
.
For instance
, some crimes
such
 as burglary or the like have fixed punishments, and if someone undertakes them, the jury will put them behind bars. By
this
 means, a criminal will observe the result of his unaccepted activity, and will not re-offend it.
However
, it has been seen that these measures could eliminate the
crime
 rate, but they have not been so effective. The reason might be the fact that some individuals are drawn towards a
crime
 by nature, and the environment is not only responsible for
this
. As convincing as
this
 point is, the solutions that I have mentioned have to be considered, and authorities have to take proper steps to lower
this
.
To conclude
,
while
 some think that offences are not preventable, I believe that they can be. It can be undertaken through stricter laws and controls
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
while
 organizing some classes and informing people that their actions will be deterred.
Submitted by sheida95jahanbekam on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea and that ideas are logically linked throughout the essay.
task achievement
Clearly address the question by presenting a well-developed response that shows a clear position and supports ideas with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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