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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar came.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar came.
#process #sugar
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The process picture demonstrates the procedure of how
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 is used to make
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that it takes seven distinct stages in producing the
sugar
Use synonyms
 starting from the growth of the
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 to the final step of cooling and drying. To commence with, the raw ingredient which is
cane
Use synonyms
sugar
Use synonyms
 is cultivated and it takes about 12-18 months (approximately a year and a half) to fully mature. After that, it is harvested utilizing two means either by a mechanical way
that is
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 using a harvester machine or manually cutting with a cutlass. Moving on, there is crushing of the
sugar
Use synonyms
cane
Use synonyms
 with a crusher to extract the juice which is
then
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 purified in a filter with limestone.
Subsequently
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, in the 5th ,stage the filtered juice is heated in an evaporator for the extract to become syrup.
Next,
Linking Words
the syrup is centrifuged to separate
sugar
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 crystals from the syrup before
finally
Linking Words
 being dried and cooled to have the end product being
sugar
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.
Submitted by asisiyoo on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the first paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar, cane with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the first paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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