IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Crime rates will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rates #fall #advances #technology #crimes
It is asserted that the rate of crime will be decreased by
advancement
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the advancement
show examples
 of technology. In my opinion,
this
 sentence is completely correct
thus
, I discuss my
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
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 in the following. Actually, with the passage of time, a lot of devices have been created by sophisticated engineers who make an effort to make our lives easier and without any crimes. These objects can help us
in
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with
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 several issues which are related to reducing
amount
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the amount
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 of crimes. First of all, in
near
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the near
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 future, some objects will be manufactured to diagnose the people saying lies. It can have
useful
Correct article usage
a useful
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 contribution
with
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to
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polices
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policies
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 to reveal what is the real truths about events which happen. By 2050, several scientists will have constructed robots.
In addition
, these robots provide beneficial clues and data that
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to
find
Verb problem
apply
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thieves
moreover
, they can run
in
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at
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 high speed and catch individuals stealing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable things.
Furthermore
, to prove
this
 idea, it could have been helpful to observe several cases in the past. 40 years ago, the tools that receive signals from phones did not exist.
As a consequence
, finding
thieves
 was so difficult because they could get in touch with each other easily. Obviously, if innovative people had not
create
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created
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 tools that could find
location
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the location
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 of
thieves
, we would have not gotten numerous notorieties
thieves
such
 as Pablo Scubar, Babak Zanjani ,
and
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apply
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etc. To wrap it all up,
with
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apply
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several examples are referred
in
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to in
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this
 essay,
influence
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and influence
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 of the technology is
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
show examples
.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay develops an argument consistently. While you have mentioned important points, it was a bit difficult to follow with some of the transitions. Make sure each paragraph smoothly leads into the next.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Be careful with your use of tenses and verb forms. Some were incorrect (e.g., 'had not create' should be 'had not created'). It's critical to maintain proper grammar throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
You have shown a good range of vocabulary. However, strive to use less repetitive language. For instance, you used 'thieves' a few times in a short span. Try to use synonyms or rephrase your sentences.
Task Achievement
You did a good job mentioning examples to support your argument. Just make sure that they are detailed and directly related to the main theme of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime deterrent
  • high-tech surveillance
  • facial recognition systems
  • omnipresence
  • deter
  • digital forensics
  • ballistic testing
  • revolutionize
  • exonerate
  • root causes
  • social inequality
  • invasion of privacy
  • civil liberties
  • surveillance
  • data collection
  • negative implications
  • cybercrime
  • hacking
  • identity theft
  • online fraud
  • cybersecurity
  • vulnerabilities
  • exploit
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