Crime rates will fall as advances in technology make it easier to detect and prevent crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is asserted that the rate of crime will be decreased by
advancement
of technology. In my opinion, Add an article
the advancement
this
sentence is completely correct thus
, I discuss my view points
in the following.
Actually, with the passage of time, a lot of devices have been created by sophisticated engineers who make an effort to make our lives easier and without any crimes. These objects can help us Correct your spelling
viewpoints
in
several issues which are related to reducing Change preposition
with
amount
of crimes. First of all, in Add an article
the amount
near
future, some objects will be manufactured to diagnose the people saying lies. It can have Correct article usage
the near
useful
contribution Correct article usage
a useful
with
Change preposition
to
polices
to reveal what is the real truths about events which happen. By 2050, several scientists will have constructed robots. Correct your spelling
policies
In addition
, these robots provide beneficial clues and data that leads
to Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
find
Verb problem
apply
thieves
moreover
, they can run in
high speed and catch individuals stealing Change preposition
at
the
valuable things.
Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, to prove this
idea, it could have been helpful to observe several cases in the past. 40 years ago, the tools that receive signals from phones did not exist. As a consequence
, finding thieves
was so difficult because they could get in touch with each other easily. Obviously, if innovative people had not create
tools that could find Change the verb form
created
location
of Add an article
the location
thieves
, we would have not gotten numerous notorieties thieves
such
as Pablo Scubar, Babak Zanjani , and
etc.
To wrap it all up, Correct word choice
apply
with
several examples are referred Change preposition
apply
in
Change preposition
to in
this
essay, influence
of the technology is Correct word choice
and influence
proved
.Correct your spelling
proven
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure your essay develops an argument consistently. While you have mentioned important points, it was a bit difficult to follow with some of the transitions. Make sure each paragraph smoothly leads into the next.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Be careful with your use of tenses and verb forms. Some were incorrect (e.g., 'had not create' should be 'had not created'). It's critical to maintain proper grammar throughout the essay.
Lexical Resource
You have shown a good range of vocabulary. However, strive to use less repetitive language. For instance, you used 'thieves' a few times in a short span. Try to use synonyms or rephrase your sentences.
Task Achievement
You did a good job mentioning examples to support your argument. Just make sure that they are detailed and directly related to the main theme of the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.