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Band 6

The best ways to measure someone's success is to look at how mush money that person has. do you agree or disagree

#measure #someone #success #mush #money #person
In recent days, some
people
 have claimed that looking at how much
money
 that individual has is the best
way
 to rate how successful the
person
 is. I partly disagree with
this
 school of thought. In
this
 essay, I will elucidate some
reasons
 that explain my viewpoint about
this
 phenomenon. On the one hand, there are many compelling
reasons
 why measuring the total
amount
 of
money
 that a
person
 earns is the vital
way
 to rate their
success
. More specifically, as the development of modern
life
, there are more differences in some
people
's thoughts about today's
life
. In the past,
people
 often recognized the
success
 of a
person
 just by looking at their position in society.
For instance
, kings and queens were witnessed to be the most powerful
people
 in the past,
therefore
, they were recognized to be successful.
As a result
, because of technological advancements, the total
amount
 of
money
 and
people
's position in the modern world are now seen as the best ways to measure
success
 in an individual's
life
.
On the other hand
, despite the aforementioned
reasons
 why rating how much
money
 an individual earns is the best
way
 to measure their
success
, I am of the opposite opinion.
To begin
 with,
although
 the total
amount
 of
money
 which
people
 earn in their
life
 is the important aspect to rate
people
's
success
, many other
aspects
 need to be taken into consideration.
For instance
, looking at the personality traits of individuals is
also
 one of the major
aspects
 of rating how successful they are.
Also
, there are many
people
 now who are not pleased with their lives
although
 they have
owned
Verb problem
a lot
show examples
 much
money
,
therefore
, the happiness and pleasure of a
person
 are
also
 one of the major
aspects
 of rating
people
's
success
.
As a result
, the opinion about deciding an individual's
success
 by measuring how much
money
 they have earned should be diminished and changed. In conclusion,
although
 there are some
reasons
 why the total
amount
 of
money
 that
people
 earn is witnessed to be the best
way
 to measure
people
's
success
, I believe that there are
also
 many major
aspects
 that need to be remarkably considered
Submitted by lamdactuanga on

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Examples
Focus on expanding your arguments with more specific examples to strengthen your position. While you've made some good points, further elaboration with clear, real-world examples could enhance the depth of your discussion.
Grammar
Consider proofreading your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for a more polished presentation.
Development
While your essay presents a balanced view, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that's fully developed. This will help in making your argumentation more persuasive and impactful.
Introduction/Conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear overview of your viewpoint.
Logical Flow
Your essay maintains good coherence and cohesion, with paragraphs that logically flow from one idea to the next.
Task Response
You've shown a good understanding of the task by presenting arguments for both sides and articulating a clear personal stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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