IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best ways to measure someone's success is to look at how mush money that person has. do you agree or disagree

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In recent days, some
people
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 have claimed that looking at how much
money
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 that individual has is the best
way
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 to rate how successful the
person
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 is. I partly disagree with
this
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 school of thought. In
this
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 essay, I will elucidate some
reasons
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 that explain my viewpoint about
this
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 phenomenon. On the one hand, there are many compelling
reasons
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 why measuring the total
amount
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 of
money
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 that a
person
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 earns is the vital
way
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 to rate their
success
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. More specifically, as the development of modern
life
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, there are more differences in some
people
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's thoughts about today's
life
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. In the past,
people
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 often recognized the
success
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 of a
person
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 just by looking at their position in society.
For instance
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, kings and queens were witnessed to be the most powerful
people
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 in the past,
therefore
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, they were recognized to be successful.
As a result
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, because of technological advancements, the total
amount
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 of
money
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 and
people
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's position in the modern world are now seen as the best ways to measure
success
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 in an individual's
life
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.
On the other hand
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, despite the aforementioned
reasons
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 why rating how much
money
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 an individual earns is the best
way
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 to measure their
success
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, I am of the opposite opinion.
To begin
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 with,
although
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 the total
amount
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 of
money
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 which
people
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 earn in their
life
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 is the important aspect to rate
people
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's
success
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, many other
aspects
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 need to be taken into consideration.
For instance
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, looking at the personality traits of individuals is
also
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 one of the major
aspects
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 of rating how successful they are.
Also
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, there are many
people
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 now who are not pleased with their lives
although
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 they have
owned
Verb problem
a lot
show examples
 much
money
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,
therefore
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, the happiness and pleasure of a
person
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 are
also
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 one of the major
aspects
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 of rating
people
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's
success
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.
As a result
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, the opinion about deciding an individual's
success
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 by measuring how much
money
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 they have earned should be diminished and changed. In conclusion,
although
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 there are some
reasons
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 why the total
amount
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 of
money
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 that
people
Use synonyms
 earn is witnessed to be the best
way
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 to measure
people
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's
success
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, I believe that there are
also
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 many major
aspects
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 that need to be remarkably considered

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Examples
Focus on expanding your arguments with more specific examples to strengthen your position. While you've made some good points, further elaboration with clear, real-world examples could enhance the depth of your discussion.
Grammar
Consider proofreading your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for a more polished presentation.
Development
While your essay presents a balanced view, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that's fully developed. This will help in making your argumentation more persuasive and impactful.
Introduction/Conclusion
You have effectively introduced and concluded your essay, providing a clear overview of your viewpoint.
Logical Flow
Your essay maintains good coherence and cohesion, with paragraphs that logically flow from one idea to the next.
Task Response
You've shown a good understanding of the task by presenting arguments for both sides and articulating a clear personal stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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