IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that studying online is less effective than studying face to face and that more funding should be allocated to improve the effectiveness of online study. To what extent do you agree?

#people #face #effectiveness #study
Proponents think that classroom learning is effective for students,
whereas
 opponents support online study and demand economic support for the sane. I completely disagree with the above notion and the reasons are mentioned in the upcoming paragraphs. To embark on, nowadays, technological advancements play a vital role in youngster's lives. To be more precise, students will be more attentive and excited if they get the opportunity to study online, not only because of the convenience it offers but
also
 the visual effects guaranteed by its sources.
For instance
, a child gets attracted with an animation effect rather than a picture in the book.
In Addition
, digital data provides a great chance for scholars to explore the resources irrespective of their place and day,
thus
 they will gather a plethora of information on a single subject. Books help adolescents to be better at reading and
also
 increase concentration and memory power.
However
, it may lead a student to feel bored
due to
 the less variety in the learning method.
Besides
, the school has a standard time for a scholar to enter and exit, which may be stressful for them. To illustrate, most schools
schedules
Change the verb form
schedule
show examples
classes from 8 am
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 4 pm.
This
 reduces the time to spend with their parents. To recapitulate, the online class helps younger one to collect many ideas from a single device,
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 provides a comfortable environment when compared with direct learning in an academic institution.
hence
, funding should be provided by authorities to support
this
 worldwide study method.
Submitted by ansamerrin987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
The introduction could be stronger with a clearer statement of your standpoint.
Conclusion
The conclusion could have restated the position more assertively & summed up the essential arguments of the essay. This could have boosted the conclusion's clarity & effectiveness.
Grammar
Try to avoid minor grammatical errors. For example, 'demand economic support for the sane' should possibly be 'demand economic support for the same'.
Grammar
Pay close attention to singular & plural agreement in your sentences. For instance, 'the online class helps younger one' might better be stated as 'the online class helps younger ones'.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: