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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of girls per 100 boys enrolled in different levels of school education. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart depicts the quantity of girls and 100
biys
Correct your spelling
boys
 enrolled in various levels of school
education
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
noticebale
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that the developed
countries
Use synonyms
 had the largest number of children,
while
Linking Words
developing
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 lowest.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, secondary and tertiary
education
Use synonyms
 showed upward trends except primary which showed negligible difference.
To begin
Linking Words
 with primary
education
Use synonyms
, developing
countries
Use synonyms
 accounted for 83 in 1990 which increased to 87 in 1998.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in developed
countries
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 negligible difference, namely 95 and 96. In terms of secondary
education
Use synonyms
 , developed
countries
Use synonyms
 shared similar numbers in both years, namely 98 and 99 roughly but they did not reach a target. The figure for developing
countries
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 roughly 72 in 1990,
while
Linking Words
 in 1998 was 82. With regards to tertiary
education
Use synonyms
, developing
countries
Use synonyms
 accounted for 66 in 1990 which rose sharply to 75 in 1998.
Consequently
Linking Words
, developed
countries
Use synonyms
 in both years reach a target and were the highest type of
education
Use synonyms
 which had the biggest number of children over the period in
qustion
Correct your spelling
question
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words education, countries with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "difference" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • chart
  • number
  • girls
  • boys
  • enrolled
  • education
  • primary
  • secondary
  • higher
  • ratio
  • indicate
  • barriers
  • accessible
  • significant
  • decline
  • pursuing
  • features
  • comparisons
  • gender
  • equality
  • societal
  • norms
  • progress
  • issues
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