IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen ? Is it positive or negative development ?

#countries #people #hours #work #happen #development
The trend of people spending most of their day working is increasing in some countries.
However
, there are several reasons that lead to
this
 issue. It brings the passive
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 for all people and society. To start with,
this
 problem is happening in many countries, most concentrated in developed countries and it is caused by many reasons. First of all, their tight
work
 schedules force them to
work
 anywhere, anytime. If they don't finish their
work
, they will
work
 overtime until it's done or take it home to
work
.
Secondly
, the competition between colleagues is very strict, they think that they have to try harder, they put them under a certain pressure to develop their career or get more attention from superiors.
Therefore
, their chances of advancement will be higher. In my opinion, they spend most of
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
their
time
to
Change the verb form
working
show examples
work
, they can get promoted,
earn
Correct word choice
and earn
show examples
 more money to pay for their lives. But
on the other hand
, Working person usually
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 much
time
 for themselves and their families,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can hurt the relationships around
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For example
, many couples divorce because one spouse spends too much
time
 on their career without paying attention to the other.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
 that, they will not have
time
 to do what they like, will have an unhealthy eating lifestyle and will lead to many physical and mental diseases, life will no longer have meaning. In conclusion, being a workaholic will lead to many consequences for yourself, your family and
friends
Correct pronoun usage
your friends
show examples
, so everyone needs to have a balanced lifestyle to enjoy life more.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: