IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
Linking Words
 risk-takers are against banning life-threatening
sports
Use synonyms
, the rest believe that banning these types of
exercises
Use synonyms
 should be immediately applied. In my belief, I firmly disagree with prohibiting dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are various reasons for banning the proposal. First of all, proponents argue that the supreme purpose of
sports
Use synonyms
 is enhancing physical health, which means that our health is our greatest asset, so these
exercises
Use synonyms
 that put it at risk should not be allowed.
Besides
Linking Words
, advocates
also
Linking Words
 believe that sustaining a lifelong injury is too high a price to pay for a brief adrenaline rush.
For example
Linking Words
, extreme
sports
Use synonyms
 get far too much publicity compared with safe exercise that can help us maintain and improve our health,
this
Linking Words
 could generate some adverse ramifications,
such
Linking Words
 as putting more pressure on the medical system in terms of finance and workload volume. In the context of family, it is selfish to risk one's life for pleasure, which could cause more issues for their families to take care of them if they incidentally suffered any injury in engaging in these
exercises
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, critics insist that freedom is an axiomatic right in a democratic society and most people who take up a sport are aware of the risks associated with it.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
this
Linking Words
 prohibition is applied,
this
Linking Words
 will be tantamount to breaking the fundamental rule of
this
Linking Words
 civilization.
Additionally
Linking Words
, a report has shown that many more deaths are caused by road accidents than by playing dangerous
sports
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, these extreme
exercises
Use synonyms
 give people the opportunity to challenge themselves physically and psychologically.
To conclude
Linking Words
, I think all of these stances are justifiable.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in my subjective mind, I think people have the freedom to choose their favourite ones.
Submitted by lenam2k1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that ideas are fully extended and relevant examples are thoroughly explained. This will help to reinforce your arguments and make them more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Maintain clear transition signals throughout the essay to enhance the logical flow. For example, using phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'moreover' can smooth transitions between contrasting or supporting points.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt by discussing both views and giving your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have logical paragraphing and a clear structure, which makes your arguments easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear overview of the essay's content.
coherence cohesion
Supported main points help to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: