IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

#places #homes #space #countryside #people
Due to
 the growth in population and demand for new
houses
, the majority of buildings are constructed in rural
areas
 in many countries.
Although
 the only space available to build homes is in these
areas
, I partly support
this
 statement and believe that it may cause many difficulties in the long term. In
this
 essay, I am going to point out my opinion about
this
.
To begin
, despite the fact that the world's population is growing, and countries are developing, more
land
 is needed to be constructed for housing. It is undeniable that some of the
land
 is being used for agricultural purposes, especially in the countryside.
As a result
, changing its functions cause many problems in the near future.
Due to
 human habitation and globalization, many animal's habitats may be destroyed, or some of them will probably become in danger of extinction. Our life is dependent on them as they are one of our main food resources.
However
, the world's population is gradually increasing and we do not have any alternative solution for housing people, rather than building
houses
 in rural
areas
. Urban
areas
 and major cities are getting crowded day by day, and it is their basic need of them to live in comfort and have a house, where they can call home.
Consequently
, There is no more space in cities to house people.
As a result
, rural
areas
 are the best option, despite all the problems that it causes. So, I believe that in order to alleviate issues or overcome issues, agricultural
land
 should be separated from housing
areas
.
To sum up
, Much
land
 is being used for housing these days in the countryside to build
houses
. I believe it is unacceptable to prevent people from having basic needs,
such
 as
houses
 and a place to live comfortably. Personally, I think necessary steps should be taken to alleviate the difficulties and protect the countryside and its biodiversity as housing humans.
Submitted by bb_emperator on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence and supports the main argument effectively.
task achievement
Your response provides a mostly complete answer to the task, but some aspects could be further developed. Ensure that your ideas are fully and clearly presented, and consider giving more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
lexical resource
Your essay shows a good range of vocabulary and uses language effectively to express ideas. Try to incorporate more advanced vocabulary to further enhance your lexical resource.
grammatical range
You have a generally good command of grammar and sentence structure. Ensure that sentences are more varied in structure, and watch for errors in subject-verb agreement and word choice.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Ecological benefits
  • Biodiversity conservation
  • Carbon sequestration
  • Sustainable development
  • Eco-friendly building materials
  • Green architecture
  • Government policies
  • Urban sprawl
  • Infrastructure
  • Smart planning
  • Agricultural lands
  • Rural areas
  • Population growth
  • Environmental sensitivity
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