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Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
It is undeniable that
people
 who live in the
countryside
 are moving to
cities
 more and more.
While
 it is argued by some that moving to the downtown area is decreased the number of population in the
countryside
.
This
 essay will
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 discuss
in
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apply
show examples
both views and
elaborating
Wrong verb form
elaborate
show examples
why
Change preposition
on why
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 I think
this
 is a pessimistic development.
To begin
 with, Moving from
countryside
areas
 to urban
areas
 is more convenient for living.
That is
 because
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the urban
areas
 have more amenities to rely on.
For example
,
people
 who live in
Correct article usage
the country
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country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 have to wait for 1-2 hours to take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transportation, or there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 no public transportation to use.
While in
Correct word choice
In
show examples
 the urban
areas
,
people
 have to wait
within
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apply
show examples
15 minutes.
Thus
, some individuals who desire a good quality of life
,
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apply
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 may change
an
Correct article usage
apply
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accommodation
instead
 of
stay
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staying
show examples
at
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in
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undeveloped
cities
.
However
, I personally believe that
this
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 inappropriate development. Moving to new
cities
 which is more civilized might be more convenient. But
instead
 of
let
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letting
show examples
people
 settle down
new
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for new
show examples
 life
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cities
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should develop the
countryside
 to
as
Rephrase
apply
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evolve as the metropolis to persuade
people
 not to move. If everyone
move
Change the verb form
moves
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 to the
cities
, there
are
Wrong verb form
will be
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 no one
at
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in
show examples
 the
countryside
,
over
Correct word choice
and over
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 population
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in the
cities
 will occur. So developing and expanding the
countryside
is
Verb problem
will
show examples
 not only improve residents
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality of life but
also
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
persuade the residents to live
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
countryside
.
For example
, If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 manufacture more public transportation,
people
 can come across the
cities
 easily.
Therefore
, an amount of economy will increase. And
people
 will not move to other
cities
. In conclusion,
Moving
Change preposition
by Moving
show examples
 to an urban
areas
Fix the agreement mistake
area
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,
people
 can enjoy
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
well
Change the adverb
good
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 place and well amenities. But if everyone
moving
Wrong verb form
moves
show examples
 to new
cities
, many problems will take place.
Submitted by Kthedprom on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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