The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year

#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution #aaustralian

The bar above graph shows the

water

usage from 6 cities in Australia from the

last

year. The units are in

kiloliters

per house. The below pie chart illustrates the proportions where the

water

is used by 7 industries.

Overall

, we can see that the main type of consumption was agriculture and all cities used more than 100

kiloliters

on average.

Firstly

, the highest used was in Perth which used up about 300

kiloliters

per

place

. The second with the most consumption was Brisbane which consumed 250 kL per

place

and

this

number was nearly the same as Adelaide.

Although

the consumption in Melbourne was low with only 150

kiloliters

per

place

the least usage was not them. Canberra owned the least usage

place

they used less than 150

kiloliters

per

place

. Focusing on the proportion. agriculture had the most percentage which was 67%. The second type with the highest percentage was households which used 9%.

Moreover

, there were the same numbers on

water

supply and electricity and gas by 7%. There were small numbers for Manufacturing and other industries with 4%.

Lastly

, the lowest type that consumed

water

was Mining with about 2%.

Submitted by shayakornsupasatit on Fri Sep 29 2023

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.

Vocabulary: Replace the words water, kiloliters, place with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.

▼

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

194 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year

Mobile phones have brought many benefits, but they have also had negative effects. Do the disadvantages of having mobile phones outweigh the advantages?

Some people say that the only reason for leaving a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that there are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language . discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation?

Some believe children should be taught to give speeches and presentations in school. Why is this? What other skills do you think it is important to be taught in schools?

The economic growth in developing and developed countries is making people richer. However the research indicates that people in the developing countries is happier than people ln developed countries. What is your opinion on this?