IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year
#bar #australian #water #consumption #cities #year #distribution #aaustralian
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar above graph shows the
water
Use synonyms
 usage from 6 cities in Australia from the
last
Linking Words
 year. The units are in
kiloliters
Use synonyms
 per house. The below pie chart illustrates the proportions where the
water
Use synonyms
 is used by 7 industries.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see that the main type of consumption was agriculture and all cities used more than 100
kiloliters
Use synonyms
 on average.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the highest used was in Perth which used up about 300
kiloliters
Use synonyms
 per
place
Use synonyms
. The second with the most consumption was Brisbane which consumed 250 kL per
place
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 number was nearly the same as Adelaide.
Although
Linking Words
 the consumption in Melbourne was low with only 150
kiloliters
Use synonyms
 per
place
Use synonyms
 the least usage was not them. Canberra owned the least usage
place
Use synonyms
 they used less than 150
kiloliters
Use synonyms
 per
place
Use synonyms
. Focusing on the proportion. agriculture had the most percentage which was 67%. The second type with the highest percentage was households which used 9%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there were the same numbers on
water
Use synonyms
 supply and electricity and gas by 7%. There were small numbers for Manufacturing and other industries with 4%.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the lowest type that consumed
water
Use synonyms
 was Mining with about 2%.
Submitted by shayakornsupasatit on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, kiloliters, place with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: