The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption for last year

The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows distribution of Aaustralian water consumption  for last year
The bar above graph shows the
water
usage from 6 cities in Australia from the
last
year. The units are in
kiloliters
per house. The below pie chart illustrates the proportions where the
water
is used by 7 industries.
Overall
, we can see that the main type of consumption was agriculture and all cities used more than 100
kiloliters
on average.
Firstly
, the highest used was in Perth which used up about 300
kiloliters
per
place
. The second with the most consumption was Brisbane which consumed 250 kL per
place
and
this
number was nearly the same as Adelaide.
Although
the consumption in Melbourne was low with only 150
kiloliters
per
place
the least usage was not them. Canberra owned the least usage
place
they used less than 150
kiloliters
per
place
. Focusing on the proportion. agriculture had the most percentage which was 67%. The second type with the highest percentage was households which used 9%.
Moreover
, there were the same numbers on
water
supply and electricity and gas by 7%. There were small numbers for Manufacturing and other industries with 4%.
Lastly
, the lowest type that consumed
water
was Mining with about 2%.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words water, kiloliters, place with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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