IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Do you think it is better for students to work before their university study? Why? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

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I think it is appropriate for
students
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 to
work
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 before attending
university
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. There are many benefits to doing so. I’ll discuss my views in
this
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 essay.
Firstly
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, one reason why it is beneficial for
students
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 to
work
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 prior to studying in a
university
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 is that they experience early and build professional skills. One clear example is a student who is yet to be enrolled in a medical
university
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 and decides to intern in a hospital. In doing so, the student becomes aware of what it takes to become a doctor and picks up some set skills
such
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 as how to break bad news, make accurate diagnoses, and clerk patients.
Furthermore
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, to experience the long
work
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 hours and poor sleep patterns of doctors.
Also
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, it helps build up the curriculum vitae of the individual for future purposes.
Additionally
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, it enables the student to set up more jobs in the future.
Secondly
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, it helps to develop money management skills. To illustrate, some of the jobs taken up by the
students
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 will be low-paying jobs as
such
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, may not be enough to cover a lot of expenses. Particularly, for those who are their primary carers, it will help in disbursing the income earned to only the most important things
thus
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 preparing them for the future when they are paid higher.
Hence
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, teaching them how to save and manage money. In conclusion, I believe there is no harm if
students
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work
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 before enrolling in the
university
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. It’s a time for them to gain experience and become responsible.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but some parts lack clarity and coherence in connecting ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more impactful. The main points are supported, but the development could be stronger.
task achievement
The response addresses the task but lacks depth and comprehensive elaboration. More detailed examples and explanations are needed to fully demonstrate the point of view.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preparation
  • mature
  • responsibility
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • adaptability
  • self-discipline
  • time management
  • organizational skills
  • career exploration
  • financial independence
  • work ethic
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