IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 are more serious
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 health and many governments are taking on
Linking Words
this first priorities
Change the determiner
this first priority
these first priorities
show examples
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
 other things.
Linking Words
This
Change preposition
In this
show examples
 essay, I am going with formal views, It is
help
Replace the word
helpful
show examples
 to provide
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy life to
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 are mostly busy
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 jobs and
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
show examples
. They have no time for
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 health. So that the governments take a
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to provide the better
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system to them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they are good
taxpeers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
 or coming.
For example
Linking Words
, as per
report
Add an article
the report
a report
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 WHO, Ten thousdands
people
Use synonyms
 are dying daily
due to
Linking Words
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
facelities
Correct your spelling
facilities
 like
as
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
 shortage of medicines and medical instruments or
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of doctors
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
for instance
Linking Words
, the time of corona pendinmic millions of
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 died
due to
Linking Words
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of medical facelities.
Body paragraph 2
On the
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand, the
adminstration
Correct your spelling
administration
 are parrally
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
show examples
 on
another area
Fix the agreement mistake
other areas
show examples
 in fact education, job and development sector. If the
people
Use synonyms
 have a good education
then
Linking Words
 they are capable
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
contribuities
Correct your spelling
contributions
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 growth.
According to
Linking Words
 ,
survey
Add an article
a survey
the survey
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 BBC News, If
People
Use synonyms
 are
stasifying
Correct your spelling
satisfied
 and happy with life
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
then
Linking Words
chance
Add an article
a chance
the chance
show examples
 of illness is less. The
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
 are focusing
reduced
Wrong verb form
on reducing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment and
provide the easily
Replace the word
providing easy
show examples
eduction
Correct your spelling
education
show examples
 in schools or colleges.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion, It is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 important
healthcare
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 another area.
Firstly
Linking Words
, When
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 are healthy
then
Linking Words
 they are
particiption
Correct your spelling
participating
participation
 in
Correct article usage
the nation
show examples
nation
Change noun form
nation's
show examples
 growth.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
eductaion
Correct your spelling
education
 or development
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
necessory
Correct your spelling
necessary
. Both of
all
Correct pronoun usage
them all
show examples
 required for
people
Use synonyms
. If
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have a
god
Correct your spelling
good
show examples
 job are
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 less stress than umeployment
people
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
motivate
Wrong verb form
motivated
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
 do some exercises on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 basis.
Body paragraph 4
Some feel that governments should prioritize
healthcare
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of other important areas.
Conclusion
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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coherence cohesion
Your introduction lacks clarity and coherence. It is important to clearly state your position and provide a clear thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are logically organized and connected. Use appropriate transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a proper conclusion. It is important to summarize your main points and restate your position.
lexical resource
Focus on using a wider range of vocabulary and more precise word choices to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Pay attention to grammar and sentence structure to improve the overall clarity and accuracy of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • preventive medicine
  • public health infrastructure
  • social determinants of health
  • fiscal allocation
  • government expenditure
  • gross domestic product (GDP)
  • life expectancy
  • pandemic preparedness
  • health equity
  • social safety net
  • holistic approach
  • non-communicable diseases
  • cross-sector collaboration
  • socioeconomic status
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