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Band 6

The bar chart illustrates the patterns of male and female employment in three different countries: Canada, South Korea, and Sweden, between 2005 and 2015

The bar chart illustrates the patterns of male and female employment in three different countries: Canada, South Korea, and Sweden, between 2005 and 2015
The bar
chart
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 illustrates the patterns of male and female
employment
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 in three different countries:
Canada
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, South
Korea
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, and
Sweden
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, between 2005 and 2015. In general, we can see that the percentage of working people increased, with the percentage of women showing the most significant rise. It’s crystal clear that in the first graph, male
employment
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 in
Canada
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 was almost 60%, and it was the lowest
employment
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 rate in the 2005
males
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chart
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.
However
Linking Words
, in
Sweden
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 and South
Korea
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, they were approximately between 70 and 80
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for
males
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. The data shows us the females'
chart
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 always had a fluctuation in 2005. Take a closer look at the second
chart
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; there was a fluctuation in both
males
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 and females. In
Canada
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 and
Sweden
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, females were almost 50%, but in South
Korea
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, there were almost 30%.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
,
Canada
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 and
Sweden
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 were almost the same
as
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apply
show examples
males
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,
although
Linking Words
 South
Korea
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 had the highest
employment
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 rates in 2015. Taking everything into account, the major difference between the three countries is that each country had different percentages in 2005 and 2015.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words chart, employment, canada, korea, sweden, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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