The graph below shows levels of online shopping by age group for different times of the day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The graph below shows levels of online shopping by age group for different times of the day. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram displays statistics about shopping on the Internet of five age groups at different times of day in 2015. In general, the proportion of all groups increased to
shop
Wrong verb form
shopping
show examples
around 9
am
Correct your spelling
a.m
. After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
they kept going to rise strongly from 2
pm
Use synonyms
and
peak
Wrong verb form
peaking
show examples
at 6
pm
Use synonyms
– before 8
pm
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
the number of online shoppers dropped dramatically from 10
pm
Use synonyms
to midnight.
However
Linking Words
, the over
60
Correct your spelling
60-year-old
years
Use synonyms
old
group
Use synonyms
reached the highest rate in the morning at 9
pm
Use synonyms
– before 12
pm
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
group
Use synonyms
25 – 34
years
Use synonyms
is the largest
group
Use synonyms
that did online shopping with approximately 34% of sales at 6
pm
Use synonyms
– before 8
pm
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
the rate slightly decreased and sharply dipped from 8
pm
Use synonyms
to midnight.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the rest 3 groups 16 – 24
years
Use synonyms
, 35 – 44
years
Use synonyms
and 45 – 59
years
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
rose slowly from 12
pm
Use synonyms
and started to peak
31
Change preposition
at 31
show examples
% of
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
– 44
years
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
before 8
pm
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the people over 60
years
Use synonyms
old fluctuated between 9 am to 4
Use synonyms
pm
Correct your spelling
p.m
. They peak around 20% before 12
pm
Use synonyms
and start to decline from 2
pm
Use synonyms
Submitted by duyuyen18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Vocabulary: Replace the words pm, years, group with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: