IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

How should we ensure that television is a positive influence in the life of children?

#television #influence #life #children
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In the current years, technology has significantly developed
as well as
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 the increase in screen
time
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 that
children
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 spend on. It is supposed that electronic devices have many benefits for
children
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whereas
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 some people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
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 television just
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 bad effects
for
Change preposition
on
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 their offspring.
This
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 essay will show some ways to ensure that watching TV
brings
Verb problem
has
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good
Correct article usage
a good
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 influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
children’s
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 lives. On the first hand, managing
time
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 on television can help students relax
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
after many stressful lessons.
For instance
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,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research in the UK showed that
children
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 or teenagers who have their
time
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 for relaxing by electronic devices as televisions are more extrovert
as well as
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 more interested in discovering than a child who just
do
Change the verb form
does
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 homework all the
time
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.
However
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, if adults can not manage the screen
time
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 of their
children
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, electronic devices can lead to bad aspects for
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children’s
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 physical health.
On the other hand
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, it is believed that handling the topics of television shows may improve
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children’s
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 imagination. As an example, in the research of a group of American people in 2011, it is said that students who prefer watching some DIY or shows about natural life will increase
EQ
Correct pronoun usage
their EQ
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 and
also
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 encourage them to think wider and more diverse in both playing and studying ways.
In contrast
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, there are some unsuitable shows for
children
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 that parents should handle to decline
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
from their offspring because types of TV shows like violence can extremely affect
Use synonyms
children’s
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 mental health. In conclusion, both managing
time
Use synonyms
 and handling topics of shows can ensure that
televisions
Fix the agreement mistake
television
show examples
bring
Verb problem
has
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 influence
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
due to
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 the remarkable improvement of technology. It is predicted that parents will find their own ways to ensure TV is a good aspect for their offspring.
Submitted by nguyencamnhi on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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